My rules for keeping it civilized at the public pool

We are currently members of our subdivision's country club.  I am not saying this to be snobbish in any way, in fact the only reason we became members at all was because it was only $100 more for the whole membership than it was to just belong to the pool, which was what we really wanted.  The pool.  We just really wanted the pool.

You see, in our old house we had the city pool right down the road, and it was always crazy busy and the toddler pool was not enclosed at all.  With three toddlers, they tend to not stay together all that well. There is no such thing as the buddy system with preshoolers.  So someone was always trying to drown themselves in the big pool with the big kids.  I also didn't like the dynamic of our old city pool.  It always felt like a giant free for all with the kids, and a beauty pageant swim suit event with the moms.  There was a big green space with chairs that always felt to me like it was too far away to actually watch the kids, so in order to watch you child, you had to actually get in the pool.  Now I like swimming and all, but when I take my kids to the pool, I am in effect playing lifeguard, so I am not there to float.  I am there to watch, with hawkeyes, that none of my precious ones drown.  So we never got a membership to the city pool, because really, it scared the crap out of me.  That, and the fact that there were not a whole lot of plus size mommas in our old neighborhood, and I felt a little awkward in my athletic shorts and t shirt, while they all stood around looking pretty,  chatting to each other. (Probably about how beautiful and thin they were.)

Now here at the country club, it seems like there is a bigger mix of body types, and parenting styles.

The pool was never safer...

There is no giant green space, so there are chairs lining the rim of the entire pool.  And the best part, the toddler pool, is completely enclosed with a latching gate, so I can sit on the edge, while my kids splash around with their pool toys, and subsequently keep an eye on your royal highness in the big pool as he jumps off of the diving board.  No kids will drown with me on duty! And the best part is, I have YET to see a bikini that is not on a teenage girl!  There is an equal mix of moms who swim and do not swim, and most of these moms are actually watching their children, so it doesn't have that "buffy and muffy" feel to it.  These are real people, and most of them so far have been extremely nice. 

That being said, there are a few things that do annoy the heck out of me, despite us being at the city pool or country club, or even the beach or campground (ha, like I ever go to a campground!).  No matter where you go, there is a universal douchey-ness that tends to follow you anywhere.  Here is my list of what you should avoid if you want to be a civilized-thinking-of-others-non-douchey person:

1) Please apply spray sunscreen at home, in the parking lot, or other non populated area.  This is doubly true on a windy type day.  Look, I know they are super convienent.  Lord knows I use the stuff all the time on my little ones, because it is that much quicker and my hands are that much less greasy afterward.  But for God's sake, we do not want to inhale your sunscreen.  I like the taste of my yummy margarita that I bought (one wonderful perk to the country club vs the city pool....booze), I do not like the taste of it mixed with sunscreen you sprayed directly into my face. 

2) Please look at the age limit on the toddler pool.  It is so completely uncool that as soon as that whistle blows for break time,  to allow your child (or children, or children and friends) to jump out of the water, and immediately haul tail over to the wading pool and jump in, and splash and make big waves that knock over my kids who have until this point been playing very nicely with the other babies in the pool that you have now knocked over.  How about make them take a bathroom break so they don't add to the pee that is already in the water.  And not only are they here, but you are no where to be seen, so they are completely unsupervised.  Which leads me to ...

3) Please do not allow your child to snatch toys from my kids hands.  I bring bags and bags of toys to the pool.  Barbies, cups, bowls, plastic fish, boats, you name it.  And I am completely fine with your child playing with any of the things that my kids are not using at the time.  But if my son is playing with two bowls, a cup and a fish, please do not allow you child (most often the one that you allowed to come in here during break time to play and who then will leave again as soon as that whistle blows, the one you are not watching and are not even in eye-site of, the one who is most likely 8 or 9 years old in a toddler pool) to take one of those things, causing me to have to be the one to reprimand them.  I am there to watch my kids, not yours.  I watch enough kids during the school year, I am off in the summers.  Unless you want to pay me, and then my hourly rate is $10 an hour per kid.

4) Please please please don't let your kid splash me (or laugh when they do it).  As I stated before, I do not come to the pool to swim.  I am there to prevent my kids from drowning.  Now I go with the knowledge that splashing happens and I will get sprinkled.  But if you do not stop your kid from shooting me with that water squirt-er right in the butt, so help me God, I am going to tell him there is no Santa right then and there. Then you are going to have some explaining to do....

5) If you are a teenager, please be aware that there are smallish children around you, and quit

making out with your boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever right there in front of them.  I do not want to have to explain the finer points of procreation to them at the pool, at the age of 3 and 4.  This is a family place.  So save it for the privacy of the backseat of  a car off the side of the road somewhere, as respectable kids like myself did back in the day.   Because honestly if you don't stop making out by my family, I am going to go put on my bathing suit, and I promise you, after having 4 kids, that is going to be like throwing a cup of cold water on the mood you were in right there. 

So there you have it.  My list to help us all get along at the pool. If you stick to this, we should all make it through this summer, and still like each other by the end of it.