Eat it, becasue it is green and I said so!

Why do foods that are so good for you, have to be completely disgusting? 

This morning I was giving my toddlers their morning snack, they were having raisins, applesauce and a cereal bar, and I looked for something healthy for me to get me through to lunch.  I found some fruit pouches that I had bought for the kids.  They advertised, "With Chia Seeds!  More amino acids, more antioxidents! Sustained energy! Only 60 calories!" I thought, "Sweet!  That will work."  I twisted off the cap and sucked up some fruit puree with chia seeds......

Ick.....just ick.  It tasted like I was eating blackberry seeds covered in slime.  Like I just took a cupful of tadpole eggs and sucked them up a straw!  I mean the fruit flavor was there, but the texture was too much like snot with crunchy bits in it.  I gagged and threw it away.  Which led me to think, why oh why do all of the things that are good for us, that our bodies need to function, taste like crap?

Take Kale.  I know it is good for you.  It is a superfood.  It is green, and has all those awesome nutrients and vitamins, but it just tastes like I picked a bunch of random woody green leaves and put them in a bowl.  I have tried to love kale.  I baked it and seasoned it because, "It tastes a lot like potato chips."  Uuummm, what kind of chips are you eating???  I have never in my life tasted a chip like that.  I have also tried adding it to soup because "It holds up better than other leafy greens like spinach."  Umm, nope, still slimey.  And I even tried baby kale in salad.  Even an entire bottle of ranch dressing could not cover up the bitterness.  Blech. 

Now how about Sweet potatoes?  Sweet potatoes are a superfood, right?  Too bad they are only really good with loads of butter, cinnamon, and brown sugar so that essentally you are eating pie as a side dish.  mmm, pie....

Whole wheat pasta.  Now granted, I can't even eat regular pasta with all of it's gluten anymore, but when I did, I was given the advice to switch to whole wheat, because "no one will notice the difference and it will add proitein and fiber to my family's diet".  This person needs their taste buds checked, because there is a HUGE difference in the taste.  It is heavy and dense and harder to chew.  Like trying to eat a forkful of garden hoses.  Even sauce can't hide the grittier texture to it.  Now all I can eat is corn pasta, and honestly, even IT tastes more like regular pasta than whole wheat does.

Tofu.  Please don't tell me that I am just not making it right, because it takes on whatever flavor you

cook it in.  That may very well be, but just because I marinate tofu in steak sauce, does not make this nastiness a steak. And you are not fooling me with tofurkey, or tofu crumbles, or tofu sausage or hot dogs either.  I know when I am eating a hot dog and when I am eating a tofu dog. One is yummy and an American tradition, the other is a meat free abomination.

I am not a picky eater by any means.  There are very few things that I will not eat.  Besides the items aforementioned, the only other thing I do not eat are oysters and mussles.  I am sorry, but Jim Gaffigan said it best:
 "Some guy found the first oyster and said, 'I found a rock that has a snot in it.'
 'Well what are you going to do with it?'
 'I'm gonna eat it.'
 'How's it taste?'
 'Like Pneumonia.'" 

I just cannot get past that texture.  People have said, "Oh just cover it with cheese and hot sauce, shoot it down the back of your throat and chase it with a shot of vodka."  I like cheese, I like hot sauce, and Lord knows I like vodka, but why can't I just have all of those things separately and skiip the gag reflex? 

And conversely, why do all of the things that taste so good, that our brains are drawn to wanting more of, are so very very bad for you?  I don't even have enough time to make a list of the food that will kill us.  But come on, Bacon?  Buffalo Wings?  Cheese?  Sausage?  Cheesecake?  Chocolate?  Why do these things have to be so bad for you?  It seems like something happened to our brains, some kind of weird wiring happened and all of a sudden the things we are supposed to eat and that are supposed to be good for us, became bad tasting, and the things that are bad for us and are supposed to be avoided, taste like heaven. 

They are called comfort foods for a reason.  They are not called, "get into those skinny jeans" foods.  They are comforting for when you are in pain, because you are sad because you are fat because you ate too many of those yummy foods, the same foods that you are shoving in your face to comfort yourself about.  There has to be a reason our brains like it so much. 

But I will say, if you can make kale, or chia seeds taste like bacon or chocolate, I will jump on board.  Until then, I will have to keep taking my vitamins.  They are gummy bears by the way.  See, SOMEONE got the memo that you can make bad tasting things taste like candy!