Brace yourselves....

It is happening people. 

A day that I have dreaded is upon us.

I saw it coming, and nothing I could do would stop it.  No amount of preparations could get me ready.  It came whether I liked it or not.

Next week.....

I turn 40.


I will give you moment to recover.


Not that 40 is even considered old anymore by most groups of people, (and when I say groups of people, I mean anyone 40 or older), but it is just the end of an era.  And along with this milestone, certain things are expected.  Things that I am not sure I have under my belt yet.  

1. I still have not decided what I want to be when I grow up.
You would think by the age of 40, after having been in a certain field for so long, that you have achieved what you wanted to do with your life...career wise.  You would be WRONG in my case.  I am a stay at home mom/home preschool teacher.  I like teaching.  I tolerate children very well.  I manage to teach these little germballs the basics, and more, before they flit off to school when they are 5ish.  I do my job very well.  But when I close my eyes at night....I .see myself doing something different.  I still have visions of being a Broadway star. (In case anyone did NOT know, I went to the Ohio University school of music to become just this thing.  I am still scratching my head about how my path forked so far left that i ended up singing twinkle twinkle little star to a bunch of people that would prefer to hear Mickey Mouse sing The Hot Dog song. I was in Carmina Burana for crying outloud!!!  But I digress..)   So do I like my job...yes.  Do I love my job...sure.  Is this what I want to be when I grow up?  Meh.....

2.  I still like to do my hair like I am in high school
Being a kid from the 80s-90s, I was in that big hair era.  So do I mean that?  No I do not.  Some things are better left in memories.  (Aquanet is still be expelled from my lungs.....)  I mean that I enjoy a good messy bun,  or 5, piled all over my head.  I like a crown of braids.  I like pigtails.  I like scrunchies  But in all honesty...how many 40 year olds do you see wearing their hair like that?  I have a choice. I Can wear it down (which unless I am doing my hair daily, AND I AM NOT, I have 4 kids for crying out loud I am lucky to get a shower, this is not happening.)  Or a ponytail.  And at age 40, can one even do a cute high ponytail and NOT look like they are trying too hard to be young?  Do I HAVE to do a low sophisticated ponytail?  Because the back of my neck still gets hot when I do this, and the point of the ponytail is because it is hot and in my face while I am dancing the hot diggity dog.

3. I have not lost that babyweight yet.
I still have that pesky 30 pounds hanging on that I meant to lose after I had my last kid. And at this point, he is 5, so there really is no saying it is babyweight anymore.  Let's call it what it is...Tacos.  I have a taco baby sitting right around my lower belly....(and arms, and butt, and legs....but don't worry about it), This baby is entirely made out of corn tortilla and nacho cheese.  It may possibly have a strong bloodline of white and red wine flowing through it's circulatory system.  But the point is...it NEVER WENT AWAY.  I did weight watchers.  I did fitbit.  I did my fitness pal.  But guess what? I discovered that I really like tacos, and Netflix.  So we are at in impasse.

4. My house doesn't have a STYLE
I thought that by this time, I would have figured out a decorating style that I liked.  Like my sister, who has lovely art on the walls.  She has an entire bathroom dedicated to front doors.  I am not kidding.  Her bathroom is decorated in pictures of front doors from her family. With two old doorknobs from our house growing up  or someone's house growing up that has some sort of historical value to her.  It is put together.  It looks nice.  It says, "Welcome.  I have my life together."  My house when you walk in says, "It was on sale, and we needed something to hold our shoes." Our art?  Family pictures, school pictures, deflated balloons from a a birthday party a month ago and dirty hand prints.  There is also a splattering of bananas on the wall that I may or may not leave because it looks amazingly like Mother Teresa.  I have no real art on the walls, except one painting that I PAINTED at a wine and canvas party.  (had to feed that taco baby it's wine...)


5.I don't feel 40

But mostly, I do not FEEL like I am 40.  When I close my eyes and look at the picture of myself in my head, I feel 30.  I feel like I am older than my 20's, because I have earned that.  Sleepless nights, working hard, pushing through life's obstacles, I FEEL like I am past that 20 and irresponsible stage.  Plus I do have a modicum of wisdom about life under my belt.  Things I have learned:
-Don't spend too much on credit cards
-It is ok to say hi to someone you think is cooler than you, because they aren't.
-There really is no such thing as COOL when you are adult.  You can wear the trendiest clothes and the trendiest hair, but chances are, you had to clean up your dog's poop just like the rest of us. And if you had a baby, a whole room full of strangers you will never see again have seen the holiest of holies.
-Your hair WILL grow back.  So if you regret those bangs, or that pixie cut, time will heal.
-Staying up late drinking will hurt the next day. You will regret it.  But you will do it again.
-It is ok to like yourself.
-It is ok to BE yourself
-Tacos are delicious

Though I don't feel like I am 40 in my head, there are certain things I can't do anymore that remind me I certainly am NOT 30 anymore. I can NOT:
-get up off the floor without saying, "Ugh"
-get up in the morning without saying "Ugh."
-Walking across the room after sitting too long without something making a popping sound.
-Sit on the floor for longer than 15 minutes without repercussions.
-Drink too much on a worknight
-Eat after 8 without heartburn

-drink caffeine after 5 without trouble sleeping
-go all night without getting up to go to the bathroom

So it is coming.  I see it on the horizon.

 Freaking 40.

 Oh well, at least there are tacos.

May we bow our heads

I truly believe that I have adult ADHD.

As I go along my merry way here in life, I have noticed things that have lead me to believe this. For one, I have a really really hard time sitting still for any length of time.  I barely make it through movies anymore.  And if we are watching a movie at home, forget it.  I am up, getting snacks, cleaning up messes, filing taxes....whatever.  I just can't do it anymore. 

Which is what brings me to today's pondering.  I can't make it through an entire prayer start to finish.  I try!  I really do!!  But ultimately two things end up happening. 

#1, I start my bedtime prayer every night the same.  "Dear Father, thank you so much for all of the blessings you have given me today...."  Then I will either go into specifics of wonderful things I have been blessed with, or I will praying for friends and anything that they may be dealing with.  I should say, START to pray for them.  Because this is what happens.  "God, please help my daddy.  Help his body to heal......zzzzzzzz *snore*"  I fall asleep ridiculously fast.  And that is even if I make it that far.  I have even started with "Dear Father.....zzzzzz *Snore*" 

But that is bedtime prayer.  If I am trying to do any type of quiet time, the following happens.  Every. Single. Time. 

5:00 I wake up.   Oh, look.  5 am.  I have time to myself before people wake up.  Awesome.  I will make some coffee and do quiet time this morning.  Oh, (stretching) ow.  Ow ow ow.  My knees and back.  Ow.  Just ow.  When did I get old?  Ugh.  (Walking downstairs) why does coffee have to take so long to perk.  I want it now.  
Coffee is ready, and I am on the couch ready for some quiet time.  I bow my head.

Dear God, thank you for a great nights sleep.

 Sleep. 

 It wasn't really a great nights sleep, I am pretty tired.  I think maybe we need a new mattress.  How old is our mattress?  I think it is like 12 years old.  Aren't you supposed to replace it after like 8 years.  Eh, that is a gimmick by mattress companies just to get you to buy mattresses.  Oh, I am supposed to be praying.  

Thank you God for coffee.  Oh yeah, and that reminds me a little of that prayer Our pastor taught our kids.  That one he sings to the tune of Superman....:Thank you God....for giving us food....- Yeah, I thank you for the food God, but I don't know if I can sing that one more time.  The kids want to do that one CONSTANTLY. Thanks a lot Pastor Terry.... Oh yeah, I need to sign up for that membership class as church.  I think it is time.  Oh oops, back to praying....ummm,

 God please help me to be patient with the children today.  Help me not to yell at them.  But you know, if they would just listen I wouldn't have to yell so much.  I mean for crying out loud, I know they hear me!  But maybe Little man can't.  He seems to have a really hard time with that.  Maybe he has a hearing problem.  I should probably get his ears looked at.  They are pretty waxy.  Oh gosh, what if  he is going deaf?!  I don't know what I would do!  Do you have to get a service animal if you are deaf.  If so, I bet that our new dog would be awesome at that.  He is so smart!  I can't believe how fast he learns.  Now if I could teach him to pick up his own poop we would be in business.  Heh heh, business.  Like dog business.  I guess we wouldn't be in business, HE would literally be in business...oh geez, back to praying. 

 Ok, ummm, God, please give me energy and strength to keep up with these people today....Oh. My. Gosh....is that a BOOGER on the wall??  That is disgusting.  WE are disgusting.  I don't even want to know who did that.  I don't.  Ugh, I will have to clean that up.  I really need to deep clean.  This house is a mess.  There is dust all over that baseboard.  I don't think I have EVER dusted that baseboard.  How long have we lived here?  Almost three years?  I haven't dusted baseboards in three years.  We live like pigs.  I don't even want to know what is creeping under that refrigerator.  I should probably clean that out too.  I think I saw some chili in a container back there.  I can't even remember the last time we had chili.  Eww, I bet its furry.  Like the FUR UNDER THE TABLE.  Good Lord, look at that.  Oh....whoops....Lord, I was talking to you. 

 Sorry.  Ummm....where was I? 

 Oh, strength.  Please give me strength today.  You know, if I worked out more, I would have an easier time keeping up with these people.  I like to swim.  I did get the membership to the YMCA, maybe I should try doing it in the morning when they open at like 5am.  Yeah but then I wouldn't have much time for quiet time....WHICH I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING NOW!!!!  Ahhh!!!! 

 Ok, For real.  God, please bless all of these people on my prayer list.....(I read through my list of special needs, then come to my normal list of people I pray for daily) Fernando...Oh man, wonder what he is up to.  I really should call him.  Its been what, two years since we actually talked?  I mean, we text sometimes, but that isn't the same as hearing his voice.  Of course we do have different lives now....I am married with the admiral, and have four children, he is single with none...

Oh, yeah, prayer list.....

Ummm, please watch out for my bestie who runs the hotel.....oh, I miss her.  I need to get up there to see her.  That was so cool the last time I went up.  There was a giant deer out side my window when I woke up!  I wonder how many deer go through our yard.  Well, if they eat voles they can come anytime.  Stinking voles eating up our yard.  I am telling you.  I am going to break an ankle if they don't stop digging holes.  Maybe the dog will catch them.  Little rodents.  I hate mice.  Germ carrying, bubonic plague nastiness.  Wonder if the bubonic plague would even happen again.  That would be freaky.  Reminds me of Monty Python's Holy Grail..."Bring out your dead!!!"  hahaha....dead....holy....crap, Praying, right.  ummm, 

(Footsteps heard overhead.)

 Ugh, kids up.  Well, I will hurry this up God.  Please bless my family, friends and children today.  Give me strength and guidance.  And hope you have a good day too!  Love you. Amen

And that is why when I get to heaven, God is going to say, "Tiffany, so happy to see you. The Adderol is right over there."