Dear Children's programming, you have some explaining to do.

There are a lot of unanswered questions in the Preschool world when it comes to cartoons.  When I wake up in the middle of the night, it usually takes me a million years to fall back to sleep (because that is what happens when you become a mom.  After the baby starts sleeping through the night again, you don't.) I think about these unanswered questions. 

1. If the Bubble Guppies are at school, then how is it that they do all of these things at night?
 Mr. Grouper is their teacher right?  And we WATCH them go to school from somewhere at the start of the show.  But in every other episode they are out at night with him!  Camp outs, planetarium, the farm, the Shrimptenial Celebration, they go all over the place with this guy at night.  And major holidays too!  Even Christmas!  Is school never closed?  And when DO they go home?

2. Where do they get the budget for all of these field trips?

They go somewhere EVERY SHOW!  My kids believe you go to school, and then get to do field trips all of the time!  Where are they getting this money for all of these things they do?  And we need to seriously look at their model, because our public school system has nothing on these fish.

3. Does Mickey ever get tired of the Hot dog dance?

And how do they change their clothes so fast?  One second Mickey is in a space suit on the planet Pluto (don't get me started), and the next he is walking through the door of the clubhouse in his regular clothes singing " Hot Dog Hot Dog Hot Diggity Dog".  I need whatever apparatus changes his clothes so fast so I can get ready faster in the morning. 

4. Does Dora have a hearing problem?
She is constantly asking you questions in threes, and asking us to talk louder.  I think Dora's mommy needs to take her to the doctor. 

5. Swiper might just be a klepto., and what is so magical about telling him not to swipe three times?

So they fox is always trying to take their stuff, and if you tell him three times "Swiper no Swiping"  He will leave you alone.  First of all, what is wrong with Swiper that he feels he needs other people's things?  Talk about a serious coveting problem.  He doesn't want something like what you have, he wants what you have.  Little man is two and is the same way.  But I have tried the "Little Man no swiping" three time rule, and it is totally bogus.  He just takes it and runs on.  So what kind of hypotizing have they done to swiper to make him stop like that. 

6. What is up with Lalaloopsy? 
That is all.  No further questions.  Just what?  WHAT?  I don't get it.

7. Exactly what kingdom is Sophia supposed to come from again?
They say the tri kingdom area.  But where is that exactly?  And what are the other kingdoms that surround this area?  And are there more than just three?  And is their world round like ours is, or is it flat, because I just don't understand where I am supposed to be geographically.  Are they strictly a monarchy, or is it more like England, with a parliament? 

8. Where the HELL are Max and Ruby's parents?
Ruby is a child.  She is in the Bunny Scouts, and still has dolls and plays dress up.  How is she supposed to be old enough to be responsible for Max's upbringing day in and day out.  And it is not like they are at work and come home at night, because she is ultimately responsible for putting Max to bed too!  Grandma sees nothing wrong with this, because she is in and out for visits, still residing in her own house, and they remain for the most part unsupervised. I explained to Your Royal Highness (He is 10 and hates watching preschool TV.  I have to keep him entertained people)  that I believe Max and Ruby's parents have been eaten by a dog, and they are still in denial just waiting for them to come home, going on with life pretending they will be home soon.  I mean, they had parents at one time, there is a family picture on the wall in the living room with clearly a mom and dad. 

9. How is it that Spongebob goes to the beach and goes swimming?

THEY ARE ALREADY UNDERWATER!  Can't he just swim whenever he likes?  And why do they need lifeguards.  They live underwater!  They can't drown!

These are just a few of the things I think about at 3 in the morning.  Please feel free to comment any of your unanswered questions about cartoons in the comments.  I need some solidarity in that I am not the only one who has watched waaay too much Nickelodeon.