I have not always been a mom. I really think that goes without saying. But I haven't. Some days it feels like I have always been a mom. But then there are days, like today, that I remember what it was like to only be responsible for myself, and it makes me all nostalgic.
After college, I was trying to find myself. I think that at some point we all do it. Most people get over it at some point in college, that whole, "what do I want to be when I grow up" sort of thing. I didn't even know what I wanted to major in for a long time, until I finally settled on music just because I had always done music, and it wasn't the worst subject to study in the world. I liked to sing, and play my clarient, so it was kind of an organic sort of major choosing. But even then I didn't really 'find myself' in that.
It wasn't until I was living with my sister while the Admiral was off in the Navy doing his overseas WestPAC, that I found my occupational calling. My sister was having twins, and needed a nanny. This is where some of my humor comes from, because honestly, up until this time, I knew ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about babies. I was the baby of the family, so I never had any experience with babies. I babysat a lot in high school, but that was for a 5 year old, not a baby. And so here I am with not only one infant, but two! I got a crash course while my sister was on maternity leave in baby care. How to hold them, how to change them, how to burp them just right. And had I not had a sense of humor, I don't know that I would have made it. Poop explosions, projectile vomiting, enough drool to fill a swiming pool...oh my goodness. It was one gross thing after another.
One particular night after trying to be a regular twenty something, I had gone out with my friends, and was extremely hungover. I got up at 6 am, and starting getting the little fellas ready for the day. My sister had laid out their food for the day. Lunch was the thing that caught my eye, green peas. I was not looking forward to this. They ate breakfast, and I choked down some Gatorade. They played on the floor and in the bouncer. Then the time was nigh. Lunch. I sat them in their seats, and just then my friend came up from the basement where my living space was. She had spent the night. We looked at each other and she said, "Oh no. Peas. That looks awful." I said, "Mmm hmm." I opened the jar and put some on the baby spoon for my first nephew. He took a mouthful, and promptly spit it out all down his chin. The party from last night started to make a return visit, and I ran to the bathroom. My friend said, "Imma gonna go now. Have fun!" and left. (Now she did make a return visit, and left me with pringles and more Gatorade. I think the guilt from ditching me came back to her.). And when I came back, I finished feeding them. I started laughing, because I just KNEW my sister probably laid that out for lunch knowing full well how gross that would be to feed them after a night out. I laughed and laughed. That is when I knew ,if I could handle the gross, the vile, the body fluids, and the yuck, and still be able to laugh about it, and find the humor in it....... then this is my calling, and everything was going to be ok.
I immediately went back to school and changed my major to Early Childhood Development. I got a job as a preschool teacher, and fell immediatly in LOVE with it. It was crazy and chaotic, just like my mind. I didn't have to sit still at a desk, or be too organized. I could play with toys and be silly, and sing just because the mood struck me. And guess what? Little people think I am HILARIOUS! It doesn't matter how bad the joke is, they laugh!
I taught for 6 years, before I got pregnant, and had my first baby. He came 10 weeks early, and was so little, I just couldn't go back to work. I stayed home and after he was a little bigger and stronger, I started my own daycare. After about a year, the wheels all came off. Admiral and I had hit after hit. My husband lost his job, we lost our insurance with it. We were broke. We also had one of those balloon mortgages, and when we refinanced to try to pay off some of the debt so we could make ends meet, the mortgage broker screwed us. We ended up owing thousands of dollars in back taxes because of her mistake. Admiral was looking and looking for work, but just wasn't finding anything, much like the rest of the country at the time. I was going to have to go find some work somewhere, with good insurance to help keep us afloat. My sister (the same one, she really needs s super hero's cape, because she is amazing), got me a job at her ophthalmologist office that she works for. I was going to be an optician.
Let me just say, I do not like grown ups very much at all. They can be real jerks. The women I worked with, however, were amazing. My manager, made me laugh so much, and the girls I worked with helped to make the days fly by.
One day I had a particularly irritating customer. I was trying like heck to charm this person, because she was just so grumpy! I can't even describe the level of grumpy this woman was. It was actually quite amazing. My goal was to make her smile at least once while she was there. It did not happen. She left without one single smile, or nice thing to say. I went back into the optical office where my manager and the other opticians were, and said, (forgive me mom, please just bleep the next part.) "I don't get it! She didn't like me! How can she not like me? Everyone likes me! I am fucking delightful!!" The whole room froze, and then burst out in peals of laughter. My manager got red in the face laughing so hard, and was gasping, "oh my god, you said you were fucking delightful!! Bahahahaha!!!!!" I kind of pouted a little and said, "Well I am." which made them laugh even harder. We are still friends to this day, and this does come up in conversation quite often.
After my husband found another job, and things weren't quite so dire anymore, I was able to get out of survival mode, and really take a look at what I was doing. I was not enjoying the patients as a whole. I was living for Friday when it was pediatric day and the kids would come in. So after 9 months of trying out something else, I had to go back to my love. Little kids.
I am not going to get into the details about the other schools I worked for, it is all very long and drawn out and dramatic, but I will sum up. Basically, the first school I ever worked for, before I had Your royal highness, was the most fun, and best and most awesome. Best staff, and most wonderful administrator I have ever in my life been with. None of the other schools ever compared. But I will say the only thing that trumps that, is what I am doing now. I get paid, to stay at home in my yoga pants, play with my own children, plus two of the most adorable little kids ever, and teach them stuff!
I know this isn't one of my funny posts, or even a rant, but it is true. Now, don't get me wrong, it is not perfect. There are days that seem to just drag on and on. There are mornings that I don't want to get out of bed, and the baby is crying most of the day, and my kids are all fighting with each other, or I am incredibly lonely with only myself as an adult to talk to. But even on the bad days, it is better than being with some grouchy old lady who doesn't appreciate how effing delightful I am! The kids laugh at my jokes, they love me unconditionally, I get hugs all day!! It is the best job in the world, and it is mine. The pay may not be great, but the benefits are priceless.
Parents out there. you have a most amazing job. And it is hard, and there are long days, and you are going to be stretched to your limits in patience and calm, and resilience. The times are not always fun, and the kids are not always saying funny things. You will not always be the picture perfect parent like you see on TV. You will make mistakes. You will see gross stuff you never thought you would see, and say things you never thought would ever come out of your mouth. It is super hard to remember when you are in the thick of it, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in Romper room, that there is an end to it down the road. They will grow up, and you blink and they are in elementary school, and you blink again and they are in middle school. I am afraid to blink again and they will be in high school and then off to college where they won't be home for me to rant about anymore. Then the only one at home I will be able to rant about is the Admiral (Now, it goes with out saying that he is awesome, but I am sure there are plenty of things I will be able to rant about him as an empty nester. Stay tuned).
Hard times happen, but life moves on. You will have ebbing and flowing of income, you will have tragic moments. But in the middle of all of that is where life happens. The hard times are what make you grow as a person. Inside the struggle is what makes you who you are, and the way you handle the struggle is what shows your character, your places for growth, and your strength.
Be strong my friends, and know you are not alone. No moment lasts forever.
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