My inner cookie monster

It is Christmas.

I am a weight watcher, and recently diagnosed Gluten Sensitive.

And I am the official cookie baker for the family.  Sigh....

 I love to bake.  Let me say that again.  I LOVE TO BAKE.  It is relaxing, and it has all of the aromatherapy I need to put me in a good mood.  I like to bake cookies the most, because they are little bite sized pieces of love.  It is the most clean fun one can have in a kitchen.  I love the way the mixer whirrs, and the sound of eggs cracking.  I love the feel of the dough as I spoon it onto the baking sheet.  And I love, love, love the smell it makes.  Cookies to me, are just about the most perfect food.  I have found the perfect recipies for cookies that are not too cake-y, crunchy, and just the right amount of chewy.  I have done a lot of trial and error, and have mastered it. 

And this year.  I can't eat it. 

This is just about the saddest thing in the world to me at this moment. 

I have been trying to avoid them, but sometimes I just can't resist. Then everytime I try to eat one of my creations, I feel really ill afterward.  Great for Weight Watchers I suppose, no added pounds or extra points to count from cookies, if I really want to look at the bright side.  (there is no bright side to this people.  Spare me.)

And, it is not  memories of making cookies with my mom  that make cookies so special to me, my mom is not a cookie maker.  She is a pie maker (mmmmm....pie is good too...).  So I do not have some cherished memory thing going on there.  It is literally the cookie itself that makes me happy.  A round little piece of yummy-ness that just makes you smile when you eat it.  Try taking a warm cookie out of the oven, and (after it cools of course.  Been there done that mouth burn.  I am worse with waiting for cookies than I am with coffee!) take a bite and try to NOT be a little happier.  You can't.  You just can't be completely unhappy while eating a warm chocolate chip cookie.  I mean, I have had tears, and then taken a bite, and still not smiled, but my soul was grinning on the inside.  And we all think the same thing in our heads when we eat it.  "Mmmm.  Cookie.  Good.  Mmmm." 

I am not talking about the store bought variety.  It is not the same.  In fact, some of those store bought "cookies" are an abomination. You might as well just call them sweet crackers.  Pffft, calling themselves cookies.  No, a cookie is sort of crunchy, but sort of chewy and just a little soft.  It goes stale if you don't eat it in a few days, and therefore must be consumed fast.  Those storebought "cookies" will last forever.  There is no love in them.  No aromatherapy.  A cookie is an event, not a grab and go.  Real cookies are meant to mean something.

Which is why I am so sad about this stupid gluten intolerance.  I found a flour that will make a passable cookie.  It works for chocolate chip, but not sugar or gingerbread (my other two favs).  But even in the chocolate chip, the texture is not the same.  sigh.... 

Oh cookie...why have you forsaken me???? 

I guess I will just have to substitute dark chocolate love for cookie love.

The cons of travelling with my family

It is almost that time. Nearly every New Year's we head to North Carolina to spend the week after Christmas until New Years Day with my brothers and sisters. 

I mean, we are pretty awesome and fun.  There is always a lot of laughing and story telling that goes on.  Lots of cards, and cooking, and a whole lot of sampling of the egg nog, if you know what I mean!!

Two days after spending Christmas with my entire side of the family, just because we apparently love each other THAT much, the majority of my sibling gang (you know I am the youngest of seven right?) all take off to invade my oldest brother's house in North Carolina to spend the rest of Christmas week, and New Years together.  He is the sibling that lives the farthest away, therefore he is dubbed the "vacation house".  Plus it is normally about 20 degrees warmer there, so it feels like summer to us. (We actually hang out in his driveway in lawn chairs, in shorts, soaking up the sun.  I am sure his neighbors think we are completely crazy.)   I love going, because there are just that many more people available to help me with the kiddos, giving me a real sense of vacation, instead of the vacations we take alone, and I am essentially doing the same job in a strange place with none of the comforts of home.  As much as I love love love love this time, there are a few drawbacks to this trip. Not enough to detract us from going every year, but they are enough to give us pause every December to weight the pros and cons of making the trek.  ( Don't worry big brother, we always decide on going, this year is no different!!)

Cons to traveling post Christmas with my family to North Carolina:

1. The 8 hour car ride with 4 kids, 3 of them under the age of 4.
Now I am certainly blessed to have a DVD player in the van, and let me tell you, we play that sucker the WHOLE TRIP DOWN.  It is the one time of year I will let my kids watch 8 hours of TV nonstop.  The problem with this is finding something that will pacify not only my littles, but also not annoy the heck out of my 10 year old.  We do a lot of Disney movies, but some of them ( like Brave) are too scary for the little ones, and unfortunately the scary part is the only part the 10 year old looks forward to.  He is just on the cusp of not liking those movies any more, and so where he is totally getting into the "Goonies" type of movies, the little ones aren't ready for hearing Chunk say "Oh shit, what?"  when the penis breaks off of the statue. ( Though from the week I have had, I am sure they have heard that phrase anyway.)  Finding the balance is a slippery little dance.

2. Packing.
Now I love the Admiral very much, and he works super hard to provide for our family.  So I do not expect him to have to help pack for the trip, because once we are ready to go, he is the one that loads and unloads everything, and does almost all of the driving.  So I pack everyone but him.  This means, I PACK ALL 4 KIDS AND MYSELF.  And because I am me, I never pack ahead of time.  My bestie and I are so much alike this way. "Is it the day before the trip?  Oh, I will pack tomorrow morning, it will be fine...."  I realize that this is all my fault, and I don't intend for this to happen, it just does. 

Then we have to play the adult version of Tetris, and pack the van with everything for all 6 of us.  It is so much easier now, than it was a year ago, because the only portable crib I have to take is for Little man, and I don't need to take any exersaucers or swings anymore!  Hooray!  So it is all clothes and toys and videos and snacks, and pillows and blankets, and one portable crib, etc....  all in a van with 6 people already in it.

3.  The Dog.
It never ever fails.  I always forget until a week before we leave, to get someone to watch the damn dog.  Then I am like, "AW crap!  The dog!   What are we going to do about the dog?"  He has seizures when he is stressed, so he can't stay in a doggie hotel.  For the last few years, we have been able to count on neighbors at the last minute, because they all stay home.  But I don't know anyone around here yet, and the one person I do know, lives a block away, and I just can't ask for them to come over 3 times a day like that.  I just can't.  This year, though, I was lucky.  I remembered today, 2 whole weeks before the trip!  So I have a call out to one of my sisters who doesn't go down, to see if she would like to house sit.

4.  The children.
Now I know, the kids have to come with us. (But do they???  Kidding. )  There was a time when we could go down, before kids, and have a good time and drink ourselves silly, and stay up late, and not care.  But now, we do have kids, and these kids go to bed at 8.  And they are up at 6:30. Which means, so are we.  And have you ever tried to get up with a toddler while having a hangover, or even just after you have been up late sober?  It is no fun at all.   And usually there is someone sleeping in the living room at my brother's.  So I have to keep my loud kids quiet in the kitchen with videos on my Kindle until he/she wakes up (usually my middle sister, God love her.  She always wakes up with a smile, even though I know they woke her.)  We just are not a quiet people.  No matter how hard I try to teach them, Thumbellina does not know how to whisper.

5. The children.  part 2
With all of their aunts and uncles around, there is no shortage of people to ask for a cookie.  Or candy.  Or treats.  Or soda.  Or carried.  Or read to.  Or played with.  Or anything I say no to, to ask if they will yes indeed, give in to.  So when we come back, there is usually a 2 week de-tox that I have to do with them from being spoiled rotten, and out of routine.  Do not get me wrong, it is an aunt/uncle/cousin/grandparent's right, or obligation really, to spoil their niece/nephew/cousin/grandchild.  It just takes a while to get the entitlement out of their system.

6. The children. Part 3
At home, my kids have their own rooms, except the girls, who share.  So usually it is just them I have to stomp on to get to go to bed.  Over New Year's, they all sleep in the same room, so I have to usually sit out side of the room and be the "shush" police until they fall asleep. I am usually sitting in the hallway for an hour, playing Angry Birds, and wishing I could chuck one of those black bomb birds in there and knock them all out. 

7. The children. Part 4

Most of the week, I am lucky if I see Your Royal Highness at mealtimes, or really at all.  He is usually holed up with his cousins in the game room, playing or watching whatever video game they are trying to conquer.  Unfortunately, this year, his cousins are all grown and have jobs, and have moved away from home, or are in high school, and are not making the trip this year.  So I am going to have to get creative, and play entertainer if I don't want to hear "Moooooooom, I am soooooooo boooooooored!" all week.

But like I said.  None of that is enough to keep me away from spending time and having fun with my brothers and sisters for the week.  They are cool people, and though it usually involves us making some sacrifices in the comfort department, it is so well worth it, and it is hopefully teaching my kids how important a really good relationship is with your siblings, and HOPEFULLY they will continue the tradition, well after I am not on this planet anymore.  Because Christmas, is after all, a time for being together, and being with family.  And I sure do love mine to death!!

A day in the life of a home daycare mom

Can I just take a minute to let you all know what a crappy couple of weeks this has been.  You know, I try really hard to be a positive person, and find the humor in little things, but good sweet baby Jesus, this week, and the one before it, have tested me to the very core of my being, and pushed me to the very border of sane and insanity with these co workers of mine. 

Let me break it down for you how my usual week day goes.  I say weekday because on the weekend I am minus two of my co workers, as they are at their homes with their families (and from what one of them tells me, driving them to the brink of insanity.)  But we love them anyway, which is good, because otherwise I am pretty sure I would be in jail, or on a bender at Matt the Millers, eating wings, gigantic slices of layer cake, shotgunning pineapple upside down cake martinis, and watching college football. (oh, that sounds so freaking amazeballs...)

So here is it, my daily schedule for Monday thru friday

5:00am  wakey wakey eggs and bakey!  I get up, keep my clothes on, as I most likely slept in the
clothes I will wear today.  Do not judge me.  Picking out clothes takes time away from 'me time' on the couch with my Kindle and coffee.

5:01- Me time on the couch with my Kindle and coffee.  I check statues on Facebook, stalk the people I stalk, read my favorite blogs, and check emails.  This is MY time.  I would watch TV, but that may wake up the natives, and I am already pushing it with shifting my weight on the couch.  They have ears like hawks. (until I ask them to come here, go potty, put this toy away......)

6:00- The Admiral usually makes an appearance.  Comes in silently for coffee, and then it is US time on the couch with our respective electronic devices. 

6:30- Finally turn on the news (that I will only get to see literally 2 minutes of), and it is now safe for anyone to come down, as I am now working on cup number 2 of my coffee, and can make coherent sentences. 

7:00- Most of the kids are up, already ( the TV woke them at promptly 6:32) and they have been changed out of diapers, and put in either pull ups or underpants.  I go and wake Your Royal Highness, and am greeted with various levels of groans and "stop it"s as I sing some random song to annoy him enough to wake up.  Then he lays back down, so I flip on his light and walk out as he yells "NOOOO!!!! MOOOOOM!" 

7:10 Extra child #1 arrives, and mom dashes out the door as she is perpetually late, but she is pregnant, so there is absolutely no judgement.  I make breakfast for all children, and the Admiral who is already on a phone call from work even though he does not technically start until 8. 

7:30 Eat my breakfast, watch the 50 millionth episode of Go Diego Go, and curse rescue pack under

my breath.  Also this is the prime moment for Your Royal Highness to decide to play God and dole out the gummy vitamins to all of the littles, choosing the colors he knows will infuriate Mini me the most, so that she screams at him, sticks her tongue out at him, and he can tattle on her for this.  Then I get to tell him, for the millionth time to please just take a handful out, if he insists on doing this, and let them choose.  (Every Day!!!) 

8:00  Head down to the playroom to get dressed and play awhile, while I finish my coffee, and watch some news for real this time.  This is always interrupted by Your Royal Highness screaming at me from upstairs for various reasons, "I need Socks!!", "Where is my Trumpet book??", "I can't find my coat!!", "Where are my shoes!!!"

8:10  Extra child #2 arrives with mom, and is greeted by her fan base.  They literally all scream like she is a rock star every day.  This is the most pleasant, and amicable they will all be at the same time, most likely all day. 

8:20  Your Royal Highness yells good bye, I yell I love him, and he is gone for a blissful 6 hours.  Thank you School.  I do love you so much for that. 

9:20 Take all of my co workers up for snack.  This takes, I am not kidding, 20 minutes.  It is possibly 5 yards from the play room to the kitchen.  20 minutes to get them all in their chairs.  20. Minutes.

10:00 Attempt circle time in the playroom.  I TRY to get them to clean up, so there are less distractions around, so they can focus on the book, song, game or what have you.  Plus it is good for kids to learn to clean up their mess. This never ever goes well, someone always ends up crying.  It is usually me.  There is a lot of deep breathing involved, and I am going to need surgery for the amount of time I roll my eyes.  We finally get our schmidt together and make it into our little group.  We do calendar, go over our letter of the week, and read a book.  Then we will learn a song, and play a game.  This does not go as you just read it.  It is punctuated by me chasing after 3 of the 5, trying to persuade, bribe, and threaten them to sit for just a couple of minutes, for even just one of the activities.  Again, there are usually tears involved.  They are usually mine. 

10:45: We try to do at least some kind of art.  This usually goes pretty well. 

11:00  Lunch and movie of some sort.  Yay!

11:45 Potty and pull ups

12 NAP!!!!  Sweet sweet naptime!!!  This is usually where I go from patient mom/teacher, to nap nazi.  I don't care if you aren't tired, you will lay in bed and read.  I don't care if you can't sleep, you will pretend to.  You. Will. Nap.  So help me..... 

2:30 It is once again safe to be near me, I am no longer in nap nazi mode.  You may now commence Snack. 

3:00  Snack is over, head back down to the playroom.  I put on some nice music, and usually just play referee. 

4:00 Your royal highness is home, and I give him a hug, then in literally .000009 seconds after the hug,  let the homework fight begin.....

4:30 All extra children have vacated the premisis

5:00 The Admiral comes to the playroom to take over while I make dinner.  This is usually greeted by children clinging to my legs begging to come with me.  I don't know why, these are the same people who wanted NOTHING to do with me in the playroom, and ran from me when I asked for a hug.  Forget it people, mommy needs quiet to cook. 

6:00 Dinnertime shenanigans (please read Let them eat Cake for a synopsis)

7:00 Pajamas and Bedtime (Please read Every. Single. Night. for the breakdown)

9:10 Everyone is in bed, and the Admiral and I try to catch up on DVR'd shows and make if for about 30 minutes before one or both of us is asleep on the couch. 

10:00 Me asleep in bed.

So there it is.  My day.  I know you are all jealous.  But really, it is not all the chocolate bon bons and leisure time I make it out to be.  Take the last two weeks.  Add to that nonsense three sick littles, and a 10 year old ADHD kid on Thanksgiving Break (they had a freakin 6 day weekend!  They had Monday off too!  Really?!?!?!)  who also ran out of his meds (GAH!!!!)  and racing to clean this house for my gigantic family to come for Thanksgiving, and this can be a lot of work.  I just pray when I am old, and guilt my kids into not putting me into a nursing home, and go to live with them instead, that they will remember this, or even read this blog and realize how good they had it.  Then I can say to them what they say to me, "I want eggs!"  "Wipe my butt!" "I want to watch MY movie!"  Then it will have all been worth it......

Tis the season, but not the one you are thinking of

Twas the day after Thanksgiving,

And, this happens a lot,
The children were covered with
Sneezing and snot.

Right after the holiday
my kids always get sick,
The person who gave it
 to them will be hit.

But just like each year
after turkey and stuffing,
The kids all get fevers
and noses start running.

It never does fail!
During each Christmas season,
the littlest one, little man,
starts up  wheezing

 I look in my med drawer
and pick up the potions.
Albuterol, tylenol
Vicks vapor rub lotion

And motrin and NyQuil,
suction-nose aspirator,
And steam baths, and tissues,
and that damn humidifier.

I use the whole arsenal
of flu-timey weapons,
and just cause God loves me
I also need tampons (really?!?!?!?  Now?!?!)

 Up at the hours of
12, 3, 5, and 7.
Then no nap for me ,
But they get one (that's heaven.)

Cleaning up puke, and
tossing used tissues.
Getting little man to take his inhailer
(he has some issues)

But this dance is a dance
that I do every year.
And in dealing with sick kids
for weeks, I'll shed tears.

But this is a part of
having big families,
One will get sick,
then soon all feel lousy.

And we will get through it,
Somehow always do,
And one or both of us
Will get the stomach flu. (usually the Admiral)

Our  pictures will all
have kids with red  noses,
To match Rudolf's I guess,
in our Santa Clause poses

Christmas eve will have carols
of coughing and mucus,
and if we are lucky
One of them puke-as.

Christmas day is one,
We have yet to enjoy,
with all of the kids
usually whiney (Oh boy!!)

Then we go down south
to visit the family.
We make at least one trip
to Urgent care, usually.

And just in time for
The new Years day feast,
When I think that I have
had only 2 hours of sleep,

They all start to get better!!
Just in time for the end!
And this is how all of my
holiday's go, friend.

This year is no different.
The kids are all sick.
My house feels infested
with the germs and the ick.

Every year!  Every time!
The present, and past.
But I hope that  YOU have
A Merry Christ-mas!