A day in the life of a home daycare mom

Can I just take a minute to let you all know what a crappy couple of weeks this has been.  You know, I try really hard to be a positive person, and find the humor in little things, but good sweet baby Jesus, this week, and the one before it, have tested me to the very core of my being, and pushed me to the very border of sane and insanity with these co workers of mine. 

Let me break it down for you how my usual week day goes.  I say weekday because on the weekend I am minus two of my co workers, as they are at their homes with their families (and from what one of them tells me, driving them to the brink of insanity.)  But we love them anyway, which is good, because otherwise I am pretty sure I would be in jail, or on a bender at Matt the Millers, eating wings, gigantic slices of layer cake, shotgunning pineapple upside down cake martinis, and watching college football. (oh, that sounds so freaking amazeballs...)

So here is it, my daily schedule for Monday thru friday

5:00am  wakey wakey eggs and bakey!  I get up, keep my clothes on, as I most likely slept in the
clothes I will wear today.  Do not judge me.  Picking out clothes takes time away from 'me time' on the couch with my Kindle and coffee.

5:01- Me time on the couch with my Kindle and coffee.  I check statues on Facebook, stalk the people I stalk, read my favorite blogs, and check emails.  This is MY time.  I would watch TV, but that may wake up the natives, and I am already pushing it with shifting my weight on the couch.  They have ears like hawks. (until I ask them to come here, go potty, put this toy away......)

6:00- The Admiral usually makes an appearance.  Comes in silently for coffee, and then it is US time on the couch with our respective electronic devices. 

6:30- Finally turn on the news (that I will only get to see literally 2 minutes of), and it is now safe for anyone to come down, as I am now working on cup number 2 of my coffee, and can make coherent sentences. 

7:00- Most of the kids are up, already ( the TV woke them at promptly 6:32) and they have been changed out of diapers, and put in either pull ups or underpants.  I go and wake Your Royal Highness, and am greeted with various levels of groans and "stop it"s as I sing some random song to annoy him enough to wake up.  Then he lays back down, so I flip on his light and walk out as he yells "NOOOO!!!! MOOOOOM!" 

7:10 Extra child #1 arrives, and mom dashes out the door as she is perpetually late, but she is pregnant, so there is absolutely no judgement.  I make breakfast for all children, and the Admiral who is already on a phone call from work even though he does not technically start until 8. 

7:30 Eat my breakfast, watch the 50 millionth episode of Go Diego Go, and curse rescue pack under

my breath.  Also this is the prime moment for Your Royal Highness to decide to play God and dole out the gummy vitamins to all of the littles, choosing the colors he knows will infuriate Mini me the most, so that she screams at him, sticks her tongue out at him, and he can tattle on her for this.  Then I get to tell him, for the millionth time to please just take a handful out, if he insists on doing this, and let them choose.  (Every Day!!!) 

8:00  Head down to the playroom to get dressed and play awhile, while I finish my coffee, and watch some news for real this time.  This is always interrupted by Your Royal Highness screaming at me from upstairs for various reasons, "I need Socks!!", "Where is my Trumpet book??", "I can't find my coat!!", "Where are my shoes!!!"

8:10  Extra child #2 arrives with mom, and is greeted by her fan base.  They literally all scream like she is a rock star every day.  This is the most pleasant, and amicable they will all be at the same time, most likely all day. 

8:20  Your Royal Highness yells good bye, I yell I love him, and he is gone for a blissful 6 hours.  Thank you School.  I do love you so much for that. 

9:20 Take all of my co workers up for snack.  This takes, I am not kidding, 20 minutes.  It is possibly 5 yards from the play room to the kitchen.  20 minutes to get them all in their chairs.  20. Minutes.

10:00 Attempt circle time in the playroom.  I TRY to get them to clean up, so there are less distractions around, so they can focus on the book, song, game or what have you.  Plus it is good for kids to learn to clean up their mess. This never ever goes well, someone always ends up crying.  It is usually me.  There is a lot of deep breathing involved, and I am going to need surgery for the amount of time I roll my eyes.  We finally get our schmidt together and make it into our little group.  We do calendar, go over our letter of the week, and read a book.  Then we will learn a song, and play a game.  This does not go as you just read it.  It is punctuated by me chasing after 3 of the 5, trying to persuade, bribe, and threaten them to sit for just a couple of minutes, for even just one of the activities.  Again, there are usually tears involved.  They are usually mine. 

10:45: We try to do at least some kind of art.  This usually goes pretty well. 

11:00  Lunch and movie of some sort.  Yay!

11:45 Potty and pull ups

12 NAP!!!!  Sweet sweet naptime!!!  This is usually where I go from patient mom/teacher, to nap nazi.  I don't care if you aren't tired, you will lay in bed and read.  I don't care if you can't sleep, you will pretend to.  You. Will. Nap.  So help me..... 

2:30 It is once again safe to be near me, I am no longer in nap nazi mode.  You may now commence Snack. 

3:00  Snack is over, head back down to the playroom.  I put on some nice music, and usually just play referee. 

4:00 Your royal highness is home, and I give him a hug, then in literally .000009 seconds after the hug,  let the homework fight begin.....

4:30 All extra children have vacated the premisis

5:00 The Admiral comes to the playroom to take over while I make dinner.  This is usually greeted by children clinging to my legs begging to come with me.  I don't know why, these are the same people who wanted NOTHING to do with me in the playroom, and ran from me when I asked for a hug.  Forget it people, mommy needs quiet to cook. 

6:00 Dinnertime shenanigans (please read Let them eat Cake for a synopsis)

7:00 Pajamas and Bedtime (Please read Every. Single. Night. for the breakdown)

9:10 Everyone is in bed, and the Admiral and I try to catch up on DVR'd shows and make if for about 30 minutes before one or both of us is asleep on the couch. 

10:00 Me asleep in bed.

So there it is.  My day.  I know you are all jealous.  But really, it is not all the chocolate bon bons and leisure time I make it out to be.  Take the last two weeks.  Add to that nonsense three sick littles, and a 10 year old ADHD kid on Thanksgiving Break (they had a freakin 6 day weekend!  They had Monday off too!  Really?!?!?!)  who also ran out of his meds (GAH!!!!)  and racing to clean this house for my gigantic family to come for Thanksgiving, and this can be a lot of work.  I just pray when I am old, and guilt my kids into not putting me into a nursing home, and go to live with them instead, that they will remember this, or even read this blog and realize how good they had it.  Then I can say to them what they say to me, "I want eggs!"  "Wipe my butt!" "I want to watch MY movie!"  Then it will have all been worth it......