Admiral, I salute you

Usually if something weird is going to happens with the kids, it happens on my watch. 

For example, I just recently took the kids to Target with me, (To which mini me says, "I love Target mommy.  That is where we buy all of the things."  Yes it is mini me, yes it is.  I am raising that girl right.)  we took the very long and windy road the 20 minutes it takes to get there. As we pulled into the parking lot (the very crowded Saturday morning parking lot) I realized I had left the diaper bag and my purse on the console table at home.  So we took the very long and windy road back the full 20 minute drive to the house, picked up the bag, and drove the whole windy 20 minute drive back to Target, stopping at Tim Hortons for some Timbits for them, and an iced capp for Your Royal Highness and myself.  (Yes I let the kid drink coffee once in awhile.  No judging.)  As we get into Target, we are going up and down all of the isles, because that is what I do. I want to see EVERYTHING, and as we get to the toy department, Little Man, who has been sitting in the cart, looks green.  Before I could even ask, he opens his mouth, and I do what any mom does, and puts her hand under his mouth just in time to catch the barely used doughnut that comes flying out.  But hands can only hold so much, so the cart, the twins shoes, and the floor also get hit.

 I look and see a glorious sight, an angel in a red shirt is just a couple of isles away from us.  So I say, "Highness, get the man in the red shirt! Quick!!"  He is panicked, "Who?  Me?"  "YES!!! GET HIM NOW!!!!"  He runs over, but the wonderful man had already heard me, and he was coming our way.  Fortunately we were literally right in front of a clean up station, and he pulled out paper towels, and trash cans and that sawdust stuff.  Then a very nice sympathetic mom stopped and handed me wet wipes and sanitizer (THANK YOU so much nice mom.  You seriously don't know how much that meant to me!)  Apparently Little man had been riding around a little too much, and got motion sick.  But like I said, the weird stuff always happens to me. 

Until yesterday.

It was a holiday, and I didn't have to babysit.  So I made a doctor appointment I had been meaning to have.  His Royal Highness was due for a med check at his pediatrician about the same time, so since the Admiral was on second shift, he said, "I will take him to the appointment, while we are gone, you can do the grocery shop, and I will meet you at the grocery and we can switch cars and you can go to the doctor's and I will take the kids to lunch, and put them down for nap.  After your appointment you can do the Costco run and have some time alone.  How does that work?"  DOES IT EVER!!!! 

So we did the grocery shop (because Costco doesn't have EVERYTHING you know.)  and I got the littles some cookies.  We finished early, so we sat in the parking lot, eating cookies, and watching Sesame street in the van.  Pretty soon, The Admiral pulls up and jumps in the passenger side.  "I was thinking, we should just double up the shop and then you don't have to do the Costco thing every two weeks, you can just do it once a month.  I know you hate it, and really so do I."  I heartily agree and jump into his car and went for my appointment. 

As I was leaving the doctor's, I call him.
"Where did you go for lunch?"
"Oh I met your sister and took them to Max and Erma's.  They ate a lot.  We are headed back for nap now. " 

I get to Costco, and start doubling up on everthing.  Then I thought, "Well, maybe he didn't mean now.  Maybe he meant next time.  Better check.  Because this is a crap load of food for me to lug around alone."  I Texted him.  He replied very curtly:

"No.  Don't double up,."

I reply to him, 'But I thought you wanted to only go once a month?"
His response,"I don't have time to fight with you now.  Thumbellina threw up, and I am cleaning up the mess." 

Now, I know we weren't fighting, so he must have been under serious duress.  I hurried through the store as fast as I could and then loaded up the car. As I got in, I called him.

"Hey.  How is it going?  You done cleaning?"
"Yeah, sorry.  It was everywhere.  We came back from lunch and they wanted a cookie. (Umm, I probably should have told him they had already had some in the car.  Ooops).  So they are at the table, and I give them their cold medicine, and all of a sudden Thumbelina says, 'there is something in my throat' and then proceeds to lose her lunch all over herself and the table.  As I pick her up to get her to the sink, of course the dog is under foot, because he has to be right in the middle of things and so she gets him right in the face and all over his back.  And naturally we are on the wood floor and she doesn't hit the flooring, she hits the rug."

 But he had lost me at the part about the dog.  I was trying to keep from laughing out loud, but I was having absolutely no luck.  I was howling.  "And of course what does the dog want to do? He starts shaking, hamburger and hot dog and fries are flying everywhere."  I can't stand it, I actually had to pull over because I was laughing so hard.  In his voice I could tell he was a little hurt I was laughing instead of sympathizing. So I try to back peddle,
"I am so sorry honey.  That is just awful.  Terrible.  Are you ok, do you need me to bring you anything?"  I am saying all of this through tears and peals of giggles. 
"No, I am ok.  They are all asleep now.  But I had  put the dog in our shower and closed the door so he couldn't shake all over, and Mini me went in there to use the bathroom while I was changing Thumbellina and let him out.  So he was walking around the bathroom trying to shake off the puke on his face, while MIni me was going potty.  I finally got them all down, and gave the dog a bath."
That did it, I was gone.  I had no restraint left.  I had to get off the phone.  I barely get out "Okhoneyseeyousoon." before hanging up.  I was crying with laughter.  I could just picture the whole scene.    

And for bravery in the midst of a crisis, Admiral, I salute you....