So I am going to let you all in on a little secret that I don't normally share with everyone. Come here, come on closer, lean in and I will whisper it to you. I am not the perfect wife and mother I let you all think that I am.
I know. I will pause while you gasp at that revelation.
I know you are shocked. I know I probably have let you down with those words. But here is another secret I will let you in on. Psst...I don't care anymore.
See, the thing I have come to realize lately, is that we all put waaaay too much pressure on ourselves to be awesome. I know people blame the media, but you know what? We wouldn't buy into the crap they sell if we didn't already think about it, every minute, of every day, all the time. I don't need the media telling me I need to have the cleanest house, smartest, best dressed, most well behaved kids, sparkliest dishes, coolest crafts for my kids, best photos, and most awesome memories than all of the other moms. I already put that pressure on myself daily! They are just adding frosting to the crazy cake I have already baked for myself!
So this weekend, as I held my daughters head over the toilet as she vomited for the umpteenth time, and then the power went out leaving us in the compelte darkness, so that she missed the toilet, and vomit landed on my sock, I came to the most wonderful truths in the entire world. I am going to share them with you:
1. I can control almost absolutely nothing in my children's lives.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. We delude ourselves to think that we can. We teach them manners, and life skills like dressing themselves, sign them up for classes to hopefully teach them the meaning of teamwork, feed them the best food that will nourish their little bodies, and hover over them as if their existance is completely hinged on the interaction during a play date that is happening in our house. But you know what? We can teach them manners, but chances are, when you are out in public, they are going to burp, fart, use their fork as a weapon and spill your glass of wine. When you teach them to dress themselves, they will realize they have other options for clothing than what you laid out for them, and will most likely throw a tantrum if you don't let them wear that pink furry long sleeve shirt, purple polka dot skirt, striped leggings, and cowboy boots and it is 98 degrees outside. You will sign them up for a basketball class, only to have them take themselves out of the game and lay on the floor under the basket in protest when the coach tells them "Not yet son". And the wonderful food you make daily? I can tell you from experience, little to none of it makes it into their body most of the time. Especially if you are packing their lunch for school, because they are just going to trade those peaches for a cupcake with their friend at the lunchtable. And that playdate? Yes Johnny got his feelings hurt, but he won't remember it an hour from now.
2. My house will never be clean
I can try. I can give it the most valiant effort that I can, spend a whole entire day, week, or month completely cleaning and organizing and pairing down and weeding out all of our closets, and cupboards. I can scrub all of the counters and sinks and bathtubs and showers until they shine, I can do every single load of laundry until my water bill is astronomically high. But I will turn around and see in my wake almost EVERYTHING I have done, undone. The sink I washed? Cheeto fingers are all over the handles and basin. The closet in the hall I just cleaned out and neatly hung all of the coats and scarves? My kids went outside to play in the snow and I now have a huge pile of snow clothes all over the floor with the lovely addition to puddles of melted snow on my sparkly clean hardwood floor. My kitchen island I just completely decluttered, is now completely covered with homework papers, mail, empty soda cans, and crayons. And do not even get me started on the laundry, as Your Royal Highness apparently needs to change his clothes 11 times a day and is too good to wear the clothes that he had on for literally one hour, again after it has been worn. I vacuum, the dog sheds. I do all of the dishes in the house, my son brings me dishes he has been hoarding in his room. I wipe smudges off the wall, and they go behind me and the smudges are back. My house will never ever ever ever be clean while they are living here. I will never have that sense of being done.
3. I will never be Martha Stewart.
I like to do crafts. I like to make things. I gaze at Pinterst for hours on end and look at all of things things I would love to do and make. And I try to do some of them. They never turn out the same. I had my kids paint big boxes so we could decorate them like a car, and then have a drive in movie that night. I had visions of us them giggling, eating popcorn and watching a movie while lounging in their little perfectly decorated car boxes with headlights and bumper stickers, and license plates and cool little details. I was delusional. Oh we painted them alright. And their clothes, and bodies and feet, and about halfway through two of the little ones got bored and gave up, so their cars are only halfway done. The oldest decided to make his into a tank, complete with red solo cup cannon, and who knows what else but it is almost completely covered in blue painters tape. He also refused to paint it because he felt it would take time away from all of the guns and ammo he wanted to put on there. Oy vay. So we have the movie, and sitting nicely in their cars, eating their popcorn lasted for all of 5minutes. LIttle man, who really isn't even old enough for full length movies, was up and running around like a maniac spilling popcorn, and bugging all of the others who wanted to actually watch the movie, pulling off his older brother's solo cup guns, and dumping popcorn on his sister's head. I watch in defeat as the paper plate "headlights" are torn off and used for weapns against each other.
4. I am not the picture of patience, and will never be one of those soft spoken moms.
I am loud. I am a loud person, and I have just come to accept it. I have to talk over these people everyday, all day long, and I am sorry, I just can't shut it off ever. I also do not have the patience I should to be the mother of a tween, and two preschoolers and a toddler. I get snappy when I am tired. I snarl if they don't stay in bed at night. I only can wait so long for them to "do it myself!!" I tend to pick fights with the Admiral when I am frustrated, only so I can actually have a verbal battle with someone who can battle back, and I don't feel guilty about being sarcastic to. I am not proud of this, but it is a truth none the less. I tend to yell a lot, sometimes because I feel they can't hear me, but mostly because they JUST WON"T LISTEN!!! I guess I think if I say it louder, they will do it, instead of ignoring me and continuing to do what ever the hell it is they are doing instead of listening to the one who birthed them.
So there you have it. My life truths. It is actually a huge relief to say them aloud, and share them. Because chances are, I am not alone. Chances are there are others of you out there, like me, who are loud, and yell, and lose their cool, and are bad at executing crafts, and have clutter and messes, and have furniture that doesn't match the drapes or plates that are all the same, or enough spoons for everyone, or can't get their kids to eat anything but cookies, nutella, and fruit (if you can get them to eat the fruit. All of a sudden Mini Me is on a fruit hiatus.) But the nice thing is, even though I have these truths, they are truths, not absolutes. I can work on changing the parts I want to change, or just accept the parts I can't. And there is going to come a time in my life where my kids aren't around to mess up the clean I do, or are too old to boss around as to what to eat or how to act. And I will have time to craft to my heart's content. But then, I won't have them here 24/7 anymore. I won't be a full time mom anymore. So I think for now, I will just accept my truths, love my kids, and do my best, and if that makes me less than someone else, I just don't care. I am me, and this is my life, and I am happy in it. And you should be happy in yours too. Dont let yourself compare yourself to anyone else. They do not have your life. Your life is yours and yours alone, and you are the only one you have to answer to. I have something I say to myself daily, and I want to share it with you.
"You would never dream of saying some of the things you say to yourself to anyone else. Why dare say it to you?"
Love to you all moms and dads. You are enough. Don't let anyone, including yourself tell you any different.
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