Don't........say it.

There are a lot of things that we mothers with  big families have to endure.  It is tough being the CEO of 5 other people, a house, and a useless dog.  I have to be organized (of which I am not), and on time (of which I am not), and proactive (well, you get the picture....).  I have to be a master juggler, keeping all plates spinning, all balls in the air.  If I should drop one, all hell will break loose.

We as mothers of large families have a lot on our plate, and it may not always be obvious on the outside to other people, but we usually do have our schmidt together, even thought it may not look like it.  I call it controlled chaos.  It may be hard as a person outside of this looking in, who either may have no children, or whose children are all grown with the privilege of having a wonderfully nostalgic way of looking at the hell life that I am living, to know just what to say and not say.

  I am here to make it easier on you!  Here is a users guide of do's and don'ts for what to say to a mom with a large family in tow.

Don't Say:
"Boy, you sure have your hands full!"

Really?  Are you serious?  First of all, this is completely obvious and does nothing but remind me that my life is completely spinning out of control right now.  Yes, my hands are full.  How about instead of this useless comment, you come help me out by grabbing a half used tissue out of my pocket and wiping Little man's snot off his face so I have a minute to push the hair out of my eyes, as I am holding onto two little girls hands with one hand, pushing a cart and holding a purse with the other, and barking orders to Your Royal highness pushing yet another cart behind me while he continually hits me in the back of the heels with his cart.  Yes.  My hands are indeed full.  Plus what is the proper response to this???  "Oh, I didn't know!  Thank you!"  Just don't.  Please.

Do say:
"Can I get the door for you?"

 Most of the time my hands are indeed full.  Holding a door for me
would be amazing, because most of the time I push it with my butt while holding onto three toddlers at the same time, and trying not to lose my purse off my arm because it WILL smash one of them in the face. (poor little man, it is almost always him.  Kid is going to have PTSD walking through doors.)

Don't Say: 
"Are they all yours?"

Because what I want to say is, "Yes, but all different fathers."

Do say:
"You have a beautiful famly."

Because yes, I do have a beautiful family, and really I need to be reminded of it at times so that I don't go all crazy white girl on them in the Target.

Don't say:
"You have a lot of kids."

Because my response to you WILL be "Yeah, my husband and I really like sex, so........" OR "Well what else are you supposed to do with 10 extra minutes?"" I have done this on many occasions and it really ends up just embarrassing the other person.  Because I have had 4 children, there is nothing at all sacred anymore, I will not be even phased by this comment. I have had more strangers in the hospital see the holiest of holies, touch my boobs, and poke and prod me, that I have no shame anymore.  I have had my kids open the door to my bathroom stall in public on me, lift my shirt in front of strangers, and completely unsnap my bra while I was wearing it before. I had an entire 30 minute conversation on the playground with another mom about Urinary Tract Infections, sore nipples, and incontinence just last summer, and I don't even know this chick's name.

Do Say:
"Can I help you out to the car?"

 Because chances are, I would really really love some help navigating all of them, and my groceries through the parking lot without losing anyone for once.

Don't Say:
"Cherish every moment.  They will be all grown up before you know it."

  Ok.  I understand you really mean well, and that it does go by
quickly.  I do.  I really really do.  My oldest just turned 10 and then i realized that in a month he will be 11.  It does seem to go fast.  But when I am in the middle of toddler hell, being held hostage to my house by the dictators of naptime, with no hope of ransom; or I am on my 5th day without a shower because I have calls to make, or chores to do, or just because it is either shower, or watch Glee on DVR; or I am pushing my cart through the Target with one screaming bawling 2 year old, and twins that keep kicking each other just for the sake of kicking each other, and the oldest is repeating over and over 'can we just go home? How much loooooonger?' and I am just trying to make it through the store and get groceries and clothes for these little ingrates; or when I am at the park trying to drag these children away who do not want to come home, and one breaks free and I have to chase them thus losing the other two that I did have a hold on........I can not physically cherish these moments at this time.  And I will most likely have visions of murdering you in my head as I smile politely and say, "Oh, I do." 

Do Say:
"It get's better.  Promise."

 Because I seriously need reminded of this.  Often.  You can even add in an "I'll pray for your sanity."  because that would be appreciated.

Don't say:
"Better you than me."

 Damned right it is.  If you have the audacity to say this to my face, I am way more qualified to handle my controlled chaos than you do, and I am seriously glad God blessed me with it than you.  Sorry, but this is just such a backhanded comment.  Makes me and other moms NUTS.

So there you have it.  Some simple ettiquette for dealing with moms of large families.

The more you know.....