Vacation part 1

Sometimes I think we as parents put too much pressure on vacations.  The weeks before we leave, we all say the same things, "Oh I can't wait to go on vacation!  I am going to relax!"  We have daydreams of our children playing happily and experiencing the trip, while we look on, smiling, walking leisurely behind them.  Then we imagine them all drifting off to sleep, happily exhausted, while the spouse and yourself have a nice icy drink, and either snuggle on the couch together, or watch some TV, or whatever.  Just nice and relaxing.

And I am not sure about you, but this is never ever ever the actual thing that happens.

Case in point is our latest family adventure.  Williamsburg Virginia.

We planned this trip in November, booking our condo, and looking at all of the fun things we wanted to take the kids to while we were there.  The closer the trip came, the more excited we got, imagining our oldest, your royal highness, getting into the history, and stories about the revolutionary war, (the kid is kind of obsessed with war stories, and anything army right now.).  Visions of the toddlers running around all of the parks and looking at all of the people in costumes, and touching all of the colonial wares that they make down there.  Also, the condo we booked had a heated indoor pool, and all kinds of things for the kids to do.

We were excited!  We were ready!

We didn't plan well enough.


So day one, we are on the road!  The plan was to make it half way there before naptime, so we could check into our  hotel for the day.  Then The Admiral would take Your royal highness down to swim in the hotel pool, while I had the 3 littles take their nap.  Guess what? Those little heathens would not sleep!  After an hour of me being held captive in the hotel room with them, being mean mommy, and using my quiet growly angry voice, The Admiral comes back, and we decide to just go ahead and take them swimming, then we will go to a restaurant for dinner.

We forgot the floaties. 

So one of us had to hold 2 of them, while the other held one, and we would switch off.  This was not
as big of a problem when the kids were babies, but they are now 2-3, so they aren't content to just splash around while we carry them.  So this was not a fun relaxing time for us.

We get ready to go to dinner with 4 very tired and cranky kids, and decide that a sit down place is just not in the cards for that night.  So we hit up Arby's and even that was a nightmare.  No one would eat, everyone was whiny.  We get back to the hotel, and get them all ready for bed, and then Your Royal Highness starts in, "can we go back to the pool?  Huh?  Can we?  Will you swim with me?  Can we go down?"  This was the LAST thing I wanted to do, I was tired from driving, and holding 2 squirming toddlers hell bent on drowning themselves, and then dealing with Whinestock (not as much fun as the name suggests), but I relented, and took him down, telling him I was just going to sit on the side and read my book, but he could play.  I wanted to read this book so bad, but in the entire hour I was down there, all I succeeded in doing was reading the same two sentences literally 80 times, because all I heard was, "Mom look!  Hey mom look what I can do!  Hey mom, watch this!!"  and it was seriously the same 3 moves over and over, but he was completely convinced it was a new move, or flip or handstand, so I would have to say, "Wow, that is amazing!  Very cool!  Look out Olympics!"

We get back in the room, and all babies are asleep, the boy is exhausted and ready to go to bed, and Admiral and I are drifting off.  That is when it started, I get hit in the  face by the Admiral with his elbow (we are used to a king sized bed),  Mini me sits up and whines for me, Thumbelina starts talking in her sleep, Little man kicks off his covers, so I have to get up and cover him up so he doesn't wake up, and then wake everyone up.  This goes on and on all night.

So we all get up, bleary eyed at 6 am, and lumber down to the hotel breakfast.  The Admiral gets the toddlers eggs and bacon and fruit, all of which they reject, and only eat the mini muffin I threw on their plate.  That is all.  Fortunately Your royal highness eats a huge breakfast because he is older and realizes that there is a lot of yummy food, and we don't get this kind of stuff at home. 

As we are leaving the hotel with all of our luggage on the cart, I am leading the kids out and I hear, "Waaaaah!"  Little man was walking in front of the cart, and Admiral didn't see him, and he got run over a little, and knocked down.  I pick him up and carry him out.

We pack up the car and head out, and just as we leave the parking lot, Mini me says, "I am huuuuuuuuungry......" The only snacks in the car are Marshmallow treats, fruit snacks and cheeze crackers.  So I figure a marshmallow treat at least has CEREAL in it, so they all get one.  because you can't give one a treat and not them all. 

We stop in Monticello, and decide to have lunch at Michie's tavern.  (Please go if you can, best fried chicken I have ever had in my life, and it is unlimited!  They bring it right to the table!)  We sit down after we go through the buffet, and immediately I hear from the littles, "I don't want that."  Well guess what, that is ALL they have, it is fried chicken, and a bunch of southern sides.  It is delicious.  But do they want the yummy food, NO.  The Admiral, YRH and I are scarfing down the chicken like it is going to run off of our plate.  YRH ate 4 piecies of chicken alone.  So good.  But my littles wouldn't touch a thing.  (Praise God 3 and under eat free, because then I would have been piiiiissed!)

As soon as we get in the car, "I am huuuuuuungry."  I started to notice a trend.  Oh hell no.  We are not turning down awesome food just to eat crappy snacks from the van.  Admiral tells them, "I guess you should have eaten your lunch then.  Snack is in 2 hours, you will have to wait."

Then the wailing began....

We throw in Frozen to quiet them down, and hopefully to get them to fall asleep.  It works.

We get to our Resort, check in, and get to our room.

Oh. My. God.

It is horrible.  Holes in the couch, outdated furniture that looks like it was bought in the early 80's, giant crack in the floor of the bathroom, scuff marks all over the walls... It was just terrible.  This was NOT what was advertised on the website.  We decide to go  to dinner and think about what to do. 

YRH is a really anxious nervous kid. We didn't want him to worry about anything, so we texted each other silently at the table,

Me: "Can you believe that??  What are we going to do?"
Admiral: "I don't know,  I don't think we can get our deposit back if we want to go somewhere else."
Me: " I will talk to the front desk when we go back, let's just wait and see what they say before we panic."

We get back to the hotel, I drop off the crew, and head to the main office.  I was in sales for an eyeglass shop when YRH was little, and I was actually pretty good at it, so I put on my salesman face, and walk up the one guy at the desk, "Hey there (looking at his nametag) Anthony.  I am sad and I was hoping you could make me happy again...."  I explained the situation, and the crappy room, and he apologized and gave me a key to another recently remodeled room, in a whole other building to check out.

It was AWESOME.  Beautiful, updates galore, fresh paint smell and all.  I go and pick up the crew, and the Admiral says, "We are getting out just in time.  I just saw a bug in the bathroom."

TO BE CONTINUED