The five o'clock freak out

When my oldest (Your royal highness) was little, the Admiral and I coined the phrase "5 o'clock freak out".

It seemed like every night, from the time he was an infant, at around 5 o'clock, he would stop whatever he was doing, be it sleeping, eating, playing, what have you, and just freak the freak out.  I do not mean in a fun, party kind of way.  I mean in a no holds barred, rage against the machine, I am dying and you are doing nothing to help me sort of freak out.  He would cry, inconsolable for about a good hour, and then be completely fine. 

We spoke to our doctor, and he said, all babies have a fussy time of the day.  He asked if this went on for hours at a time, to which we said, "no".  He smiled, and said "No colic then..."  and said, just hold on and it will pass.  Eventually he will grow out of it.

My pediatrician is a lying liar.

He most certainly did NOT grow out of it.  In fact, I believe when each of the babies were little, he sat

down with them individually and one by one taught them as if he were a jedi master, how to throw a good  5o'clock freak out.  Because I schmidt you not, they ALL DO IT!  Thumbelina, and Mini me do it, and so does little man.  And in a great turn of events they have extended if for an extra half hour, which has now made it into a 4:30 freak out, right on time for the parents of the kids I babysit for to pick them up. 

So daily, my poor parents come at 4:30 to pick up their precious-es and my kids are all fighting and screaming, and pulling toys out of each others hands, and the oldest is yelling at me from upstairs freaking out because he "doesn't get this homework!!  I need help!"  When I tell him "I have to deal with these insane little people down here in the playroom first and then I can help you with that."  I am met with "AHHH!!!  You don't care if I fail!  And I WILL fail mom!  I can't do this!  It is too hard!  I am going to fail and you don't care!" and I hear him wailing to his room and slamming the door.  To which I reply "Oh my god!  Drama! Calm down and I will be there in a minute!"  as I am pulling Little man off of the bookshelf, and grabbing Mini Me to release the toy that she just stole from, let's call her, additional kid #1, who is screaming "NOOOOOOO!!! MIIIIIIIINEE!!!!!!!" and letting her drag her across the floor, also while Thumbelina is screaming "MOOOOOOM!!" and I look over, thinking some terrible fate is about to befall her, only for her to innocently look at me and say "Watch what I can do"  as she walks on her tiptoes (which she ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO DO AND HAS BEEN ABLE TO DO FOR A YEAR!).  It takes my entire being not to say to her, "Wow Thumbelina, you are a genius!  I am so happy I stopped trying to save your friend from getting her arm pulled out of it's socket so that I could see you do that!  I am so proud." as sarcastically as I can.  But I don't.  I say "Great baby" and keep on keeping on, trying to diffuse the chaos, as they are all crying and wailing at the same time.

All of this is in the presence of the people who trust me and pay good money for me to raise their little ones into good citizens, and it looks like I am raising them to murder each other, and become kleptomaniacs, like my own kids!  And I swear to them daily, "They really have all been good today, I promise.  They just seem to freak out every day about this time.  We have had a great day..." and I proceed to list off all of the fun things we did, while the cacophony of noise is getting louder and louder.  I am crying out in my head, "I promise, my kids are usually so good!  They aren't d-bags, they are usually really sweet to each other, and really funny!  This is just the hour of the day that it all goes to hell! And if you were to be here at 6, you would see, they are not insane!  Really!"  My eyes plead with them, as the wailing of my oldest continues upstairs, and the world falls down around me in the playroom.

But I have no idea what they are thinking.  I assume they believe me since they bring them back every day. 

Unfortunately this tends to go on while I am making dinner.  I try to keep them all occupied at the table with coloring and playdoh.  But for some reason, this hour of the day, they just lose their mind and do things that they would never do at any other time.  For example, Mini me, just last night, took a blue marker, and covered her entire face with blue!  She never does that!  I snapped at her, "Mini me!  What do you think you are doing????!!!"  She just stared at me as if I were the crazy one and why wouldn't she color her entire face blue?  Silly mom.  And of course it wasn't washable Crayola, it was a dry erase marker for her letter board that WILL NOT WASH OFF!  She is still blue today.

Then we have dinner, and it is the same every night.  If you would like a synopsis of how dinner goes, please see my post "Every. Single. Night." 

And then the freak out is over.  We get down from the dinner table, and they play in the playroom quietly, calmly, and cooperatively.  Like it never even happened. 

Grow out of it my ass........