My first Halloween post

In honor of Halloween, I thought that i would share a few things that scare the crap out of me.  Please feel free to add to my list in the comments section with things that scare the crap out of you, because it will make me feel better about being lame.

1. Unexplained noises
Now, I am not talking about the usual creaking and groaning of the house, or little things that you would hear in a horror movie that would mean imminent doom.  I am talking about that humming that I hear in the basement.  The reason this is so scary you ask?  Well, because my mind immediately runs to the place of  "Oh my gosh, it is the gas line, it is leaking, the house is going to blow, and we are all going to die!"  I will search and search for the source of this noise until it is found even if it takes all night.  (Just for your information, it was a vent cover that was vibrating a little bit everytime the heat would turn on.  The Admiral pushed it all the way in place and it is all quiet now.)

2. Letting my arm hang off the edge of the bed
How many nights have I woken in a start because I feel my arm hanging off of the bed?  So many.  So so so many.  You never know when some flesh eating monster is going to come out from under your bed and bite of your arm, or worse, drag you under the bed!!!  (Thank you so much Poltergeist!)

3.  Too many birds hanging out together

I do not have a fear of birds.  I don't.  My niece does, and my friend who rhymes with shalyssa does.  But not me.  However, I am very very suspicious of too many birds hanging out on my lawn together.  Makes me think they are up to something...(like planning on attacking the local elementary school, or gas station.  Thank you so much Alfred Hitchcock!)

4. The shower, but only sometimes.
Let me make this clear, I am not one of those people who constantly thinks there is some terrible thing waiting for me around every corner.  That being said, I do not enjoy showering in places that do not have a shower curtain that you can either see through, or that lets enough light through to see shadows.  I used to have a navy blue shower curtain, and I could not see a darn thing through that curtain.  So every time, I was just waiting on Norman Bates to be on the other side of that thing with a wig and a giant butcher knife.  (Again, Alfred Hitchcock, I thank you!)

5. Abandoned cemetery.  
A giant well manicured cemetary....completely peaceful
An abandoned cemetery with a rickety little wrought iron fence around it.....completely terrifying

6. Long dark hallways
I do not enjoy a long dark hallway at home, or otherwise. I used to work at a preschool that had two floors, and one time I had to go in there at night to get my phone that I had left there.  Upstairs where my classroom was, there is a long long hallway, that reminded me a lot of the hotel in The Shining,  and since it was night time, it was dark.  I am not kidding when I tell you, I left the phone until the following Monday, because hell no that is why. (Thank you The Shining!)

7. Children
I am not scared of children in general, and most of you know that.  But I am scared of creepy children.  At the preschool that I mentioned working at before, In my classroom was the utility closet.  We kept extra cots and things in there.  One day I was getting in there to get a mop to clean up a mess, when one of my angelic little ones said to, what I thought, was me, "Oh, hi there."
"Hey there buddy."  I said back.
"No, I wasn't talking to you." he said as if i were crazy.
I looked around, "Oh yea?  who were you talking to?" (um, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to goofy girl!!)
"I was talking to Mace Windu.  He lives in the closet." (Just in case you don't know who that is, Mace Windu is Sam Jackson's character in the Star Wars movies.  So apparently a big black bald man is in the closet.) I looked back into the closet I was reaching into and saw nothing.
"Where is he?"
"Duh!  Right in front of you!" 

I slammed the door.

8. Movies
I am sure you have now gleaned the fact that I am a big ol puss when it comes to movies.  But I LOVE scary movies.  I don't even know why I do it to myself.  But I do.  Now I don't watch many of the newer scary movies, because come on people, CGI is just waaaay too convincing these days.  I like the old movies, like the original Halloween, and Friday the 13th, and stuff like that because, you can TELL it is corn syrup, and fake knives.  But even with all of the fake stuff, it still manages to scare the holy crap out of you!  I guess I just don't understand why things had to get so real in scary movies.  The old stuff was fake and fine!  It did it's job on me anyway.  So I avoid things like "The Conjuring" and "Paranormal" and the like because, it is just too real.  And honestly.  There are so many real things in this world already that are scary, that I just cannot do that to myself. Those of you who can, more power to you.  Just don't ask me to go with you.  I will curl up on my couch with the Admiral, a bowl of popcorn, and the movie "Prom NIght" or "Carrie", or "The Shining", or "When a Stranger Calls" and be perfectly scared and content.

Happy Halloween everyone!!

Kids say the foulest things! (Warning, this is rated PG13)

So I have been hemming and hawing awhile about this post.  I have been thinking about my demographic and my readers,( and more importantly the fact that my mother reads this blog) and wasn't sure if it was going to be received well. (Read that as, not sure if my mom was going to slap me for swearing or not).  But after much deliberation, and after the reaction that I got from my mom last night from the story i told her, I think it is safe to share these little nuggets.  Or should I say gems, because honestly, to me, these stories are pure GOLD!

The Admiral and I try really really hard to watch our mouths around the kids.  I do not want to raise a bunch of little d-bags that go around swearing all of the time.  I want them to be word warriors!  I want them to use their brains to come up with words to describe or react to situations, instead of resorting to crass words that any idiot can say.  However, even this idiot drops certain words here and there, and although satisfying at the time, it often comes back to haunt me.  Or sometimes even mis-judging the show we are watching as possibly appropriate, only to have them drop a word bomb on us at just the moment the little sponges are watching. (thanks Tv for yet again contributing to the education of my children.)

So I give you, Kids say the foulest things.

#1.
The Admiral and I are watching a rock concert on TV with our oldest son who was our only child at the time, at the tender age of 2.  As we are watching the Foo Fighters fighting their foo on TV, David Grohl stops and shouts at the top of his lungs:
"Give it up for the best F___in drummer in the world!!" 
My husband and I freeze and stare at each other for a moment.  Our son says, without  missing a beat, "Your not the best F____in drummer, my dad is the best F____in drummer in the world."
  Oh. My.

#2
My darling Mini me has always done everything early.  She rolled over at 6 weeks, she crawled at 6 months, and she started talking at about 10 months.  Her first words?
"Dod dan dog.  Dod dan dog."
Translation "God Damn Dog".
Oh yes.  Proud moment

#3
I hear my little Thumbelina talking to herself.  I don't even pay attention to her all that much when she is playing, because she talks all. the. time.  I mean we are talking a constant commentary about what she is doing. But on this particular occasion, I hear her saying the same thing over and over.  I look and she is trying to put a block in the shape sorter.  As she is doing it, it keeps falling out of her hand.  Every time it does, she says the same thing over and over.  "Shit....shit....shit...."
 Sigh.....

#4
I actually got this story from my sister who was watching the kids for us one weekend recently.  Our dog, the dog of thunder, tends to howl a lot.  I don't know if it is because he is blind, and doesn't see us, or deaf and doesn't hear us, and forgets we are there, but he howls like we are gone forever.  It is really annoying, because it is obnoxiously loud, and if he does it while the babies are asleep, it wakes them all up.  Well, we were gone, and she was there with the kids at the table, and the dog started howling.  Mini me says, apparently under her breath to no one in particular, "That God damn dog won't quit howling, it is driving me nuts."
(anyone noticing a trend here?)

#5
Little Man was trying to put a puzzle together the other day.  It was a floor puzzle, and so he was all over the floor trying to put it together.  He had one piece left, and accidentally stepped right in the middle of it, causing it to all fall apart.  He then says in the most exasperated voice, "Aw Dammit!!!"

and finally, my favorite!  Seriously, my most favorite of all time....

 #6
Little man has a lot of trouble saying his "S-T" sounds.  So instead of stamp he will say "damp"  or stairs he will say "dairs"  We ordered pizza the other day.  The Admiral got wings, breadsticks and pizza.  I was putting breadsticks on the kids plates when little man started shrieking "I wanna dick, I wanna dick, I wanna dick, I wanna dick!!!!!!"  I was cracking up, and trying to tear them into little pieces for him, when it got worse.  He started yelling "I don't want a little dick, I wanna big dick, I wanna big dick mommy, I wanna big dick!!  I don't want a little dick I wanna big dick!!!"  the admiral and I were laughing so hard we couldn't even answer the child, so it just kept going on and on and on, making us laugh even harder!!  (I am laughing really hard as I type this!!  I wanted to say to him I know little man, all men do!)

I really am not mature enough to be a mother.......

I have told you where we are going three times! Go home Dora, you are drunk...

You know, when I was a kid, there were only a couple of times a day that appropriate TV shows were available to me. 

There was the good ol' PBS at lunch time with Sesame Street.  There were a couple of cartoons on in the morning before school was on. (Jem and the Holograms, GI Joe,  Transformers, and Voltron were my personal favorites.) and sometimes on holidays or the week before, there were some prime time holiday specials.  They were called specials because that is exactly what they were.  Special.  Because  they were only on once a year.  And if you missed it too bad.

Then there was also wonderful Saturday.  Ahhh.  A whole morning dedicated to cartoons.  NBC, ABC, and CBS had on show after show of awesomeness, so you could spend the whole morning relaxing and enjoying TV. 

And that was IT.  You wanted to watch TV during dinner?  You got the news.  Prime time?  You would watch Dukes of Hazzard and like it.  Watching TV after 9 pm??  Oh, there was a whole new kind of education for you.  I learned all about business and relationships from shows like Dallas.  For example:

and

I feel sorry for the kids these days that don't have JR Ewing to look to for business ethics....

Now a days though, your kids have endless choices in what to watch on TV.  There are whole channels dedicated to babies, and preschoolers.  There are separate channels for kids who are younger and older.  And any show they really really like, they can watch over, and over, and over on demand until your eyes and ears bleed from the sights and songs. 

This is where my rant falls in for today. 

Now don't get me wrong, when Your royal highness had the flu, and was throwing up all hours of the night and couldn't sleep, I was damn grateful to Nick for their endless showings of iCarly that kept him happy while he was miserable at 2am. There is also something to be said about the fact the colors and quiet joy of Calliou help to calm a teething 2 year old at 10pm when he wont sleep.  But having these endless  options for kids to watch whatever, and  whenever they want have some bad aspects also.

For example.  My kids fight every single morning about what they are going to watch during breakfast.  It isn't like when we were kids and it was the choice of Jem or Voltron, and that was it.  The conversation goes like this.
Me: What do you guys want to watch?
Mini Me: I want to watch Bubble Guppies
Thumbellina: No I want Micky Mouse Clubhouse
Mini Me: You got to pick yesterday, it is my turn
Thumbellina:  I want Mickey Mouse, I don't want Bubble Guppies
Little Man:  I Thomas, I Thomas, I Thomas!!
Your royal Highness:  Mom, why don't I ever get to pick
Me: Your cartoons are rated 7 and up, they aren't appropriate.
Your Royal Highness:  Well can I at least pick the preschool show we watch?
Me: Sure
Your Royal Highness:  Ok, Paw Patrol
All Toddlers:  NOOOOOO!!!!!!

And then chaos ensues, and I end up having to turn the TV off until everyone calms down. 

Also, I think due to the frequency of the kid shows that are on in our house, my brain is suffering from atrophy.  I find myself alone in my car singing "Bub bub bubble, gup gup guppies" or worse, "Look up high, in the sky, it's a school, it can fly!  Let's all hurry to the flying fairy school!!!"  (Thank you sesame street for that little gem!)  I get all excited when I remember to listen to the real radio. When I hear the music, I feel like I am listening to it for the first time. "OOh, what is this?  The lyrics are so mature and thought out!  So poetic!  The beat is intoxicating!  What is this magic????" 

Also, watching a grown up show feels the same way.  "Plot line!  Character Development!  Twists in the plot!  Different characters that do not care about being nice all of the time, or teaching manners!  No one is asking me to be their helper or pauses for my response!  It is like they don't even know I am there!!!  What evil genius came up with this idea???"

The other issue I have with TV now is that kids have no sense of urgancy to pay attention.  If they

miss something, or talk during the show, they can just rewind it, or pause it, or heck, even download it later if they want!  When I was a kid, I had to make sure that i was up, dressed, breakfasted, teeth brushed, and hair done by 8:00 on the dot, or I would miss Jem.  And that was not something that I wanted at all.  So I was never one to "oversleep" or "fall back to sleep" after mom woke me up.  I had priorities!  I had a meeting with Jem and the Holigrams to see if they would make it to the concert that night!  What if the Misfits really did thwart them this time??  What if Rio found out Jerrica and Jem are one in the same??? (Though I always thought Rio was kind of daft to not know the difference, and why did Jerrica not get bothered by the fact that Rio, in essence was cheating on her ALL THE TIME!?!  Sorry, tangent..) So I would hurry up and get ready.  Does my son have this sense of responsibility?  This urgency?  No!  He will just fall back to sleep after I wake him up.  Then I have to be mean, and go up there, and rip off his covers, flip on his light, and dump him out of bed, all while using my angry voice.

So the moral of this:  Endless choice options and endless availability forces me to be Mommy Dearest in the morning, causes irresponsibility in children, and animosity between toddlers.  Are you happy now cable companies??  Well, are you???  You should be ashamed of yourself.......


(I would like to make a disclaimer at this time.  Please do not comment about how horrible a mom I am for letting my kids watch TV.  First of all, They get, maybe, a total of an hour to an hour and a half a day.  Total.  And second, what troll can cook dinner, clean up breakfast dishes and do laundry with three toddlers running around under her feet??  I am sorry, they need occupied, or someone will be sticking a fork in the outlet!  Nuff said!)

I will not run, don't ask me.

So as most of you know, I am a Weight Watcher.  I count points, track (most of the time.  I have been a loser about this lately.) and the theory is, I exercise. 

There are so many good reasons to exercise.  You feel better.  You have more energy.  You sleep better.  There are countless medical benefits. And you get those great good feeling hormones after you are done.  There are so many reasons to want to do it. 

But I. Just. Can't.

I HATE exercising.  I have tried a broad spectum of things.  I have tried running (you people are nuts.  There is not one good thing I can find about running. I have NEVER ONCE felt the runner high you all sing praises about. My knees hurt, my ankles hurt, I breathe too hard, and my boobs are too big for that crap. Not my thing at all.)

 I have always enjoyed swimming, so I tried getting up early in the morning and swimming.  I cannot tell you how bad I was at that.  My BFF and I used to do this thing where we would meet at the gym early in the morning to swim together because this would help keep us both accountable.  The plan was to meet there on Tuesdays at 6am.  Do you know how many times I called her to tell her I wasn't going to make it?  Let me just say more than I actually showed up. 

I tried walking.  I have decided that I should not be alone with my thoughts for that long, because it makes it really hard for me to return back to the house.  I do it for too long and the Admiral is going to have to come looking for me like we do the dog, shaking a box of wine "Here girl!  Come on!  Let's go home!   Treat treat treat!!  Good girl!!"

I have tried those exercise videos.  I couldn't do it.  I just found myself talking back sarcastically to
the instructor on the video, and then my kids started doing it too.  I didn't think that this was a good example to set for them at all. (Your royal highness actually said to the video as I was doing it 'this lady is a joke mom.  She isn't sweating or anything.  And she is WAY too happy.  No one is that happy when they exercise.'  I seriously think that he thinks the way I look, and the faces I make when I work out is how everyone looks.  Poor child.)

I even tried doing the Xbox 360 Kinnect, which is one of the more successful attempts at exercise I have had recently.  I like playing video games, so this is more fun than work most of the time.  I like the Dance Central videos.  But, the problem with this is, they take your picture during the dance, and then SHOW IT TO YOU after it is over.  That is NOT positive reinforcement people.  I think I am looking all like Beyonce, and then the picture comes up and what I am really looking like is a The Hippo from Disney's Fantasia.  This does not make me want to keep going.

So why do I hate exercise?  I shall tell you.

#1. I do not enjoy sweating.  At all.
I do not like the way I feel when my body sweats.  It is more like my body is crying instead of sweating.  "Please stop!  You are killing us!', it is saying.  I feel hot, and grouchy.  Some people enjoy sweating. I really cannot understand this.  It makes my hair go completely firestarter, my scalp itch, my thighs chaff, my bra rub me raw, my back all icky sticky, and my glasses slide off my nose.  I hate it.

#2. I do not like getting out of breath.

I cannot tell you how fast I get out of breath.  And I know it is because I am out of shape, so please don't send me a comment about that.  I hate breathing hard.  It is not at all sexy.  At all.  Some girls can get out of breath, and it is athletic, and sexy.  I sound like I have emphysema.  I am gasping and choking, and bending over to the ground.  I gulp water, and practically choke on it because I need more oxygen. And then when it is over, I have a headache because of all the gasping.

#3 I look absolutely ridiculous
I hate when you walk into the gym, and all the cute girls with their little bodies are wearing just shorts and a sports bra thing.  First of all, I have NEVER been able to pull this off.  Ever.  Even in high school, I was a busty girl, and if I attempted to do the sports bra only thing, stuff just comes bouncing out that does not need to come out.  When I work out, I have to wear two sports bras.  The other thing is, I need the Tshirt and yoga pants to cover up the ripples and rolls that happen when I move.  I have a mom body.  I have cellulite.  So when I take a step, my thighs have aftershocks.  When I punch a bag, physics books use my arms to illustrate the law "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" as the shockwaves come back toward my face.  Plus my face gets all red and splotchy and sweaty.  I do not have a 'glow' about me when I am done.  Unless you count 'glowing' as looking like a boiled beet. 

#4 I am NOT graceful. 
I am a clutz.  I have always been one, and I will always be one.  I tried to get on the elliptical at the gym.  It almost cost me my life and the lives of everyone around me.  I have been swiming my whole life, I was on SWIM TEAM in high school. But the last time I attempted a flip turn, I almost drown from the amount of water up my nose.  I fractured my foot dancing to Dance Central in my own basement, that was void of furniture.  I rolled my ankle doing the dishes last night.  So coordination is not a talent for me.  (I feel so sorry for Thumbelllina.  She takes after me in this area.)

All in all, working out is a great idea.  I just can NOT get the motivation to do it.  In my head I constantly say "This is the week.  I am going to do it.  I am working out 2 times!!"   But at night, after the kids are in bed, the couch just looks so comfy, and then after that my bed sings the song of the Siren and I am under it's spell to obey. And I just can't get up and do it before my kids get up.  They wake up at 6am, and that means I would have to get up at 5am.  Not going to happen.

So I guess my only other option for weight loss is tracking.  So I will bite it, and write it until I can get the gumption to get off my well seasoned butt and do it.  I just really really really don't want to.

All alone

Rarely does the Admiral ever go out of town for work.  He works from home for a really big tech company, and has all of his accounts here around our hometown.  So it is rare that they ever ask him to travel.  They asked him recently to go to Denver for some training that he needs to do.  He just left yesterday afternoon,  and he is to be gone for a week. I have extremely mixed feelings about this, and I am hoping by posting this, most other moms would feel the same way and validate me. 

I shall list for you the pros and cons of my husband being out of town for an entire week.

Cons

1.  I do not have anyone to watch "The Walking Dead" with me, and to reassure me at night when I go to bed that zombies do NOT exist, and that our house will not be broken into by said zombies, and they will not eat my face off.  I also do not have anyone to watch Sleepy Hollow with, and reassure me that there really is no Headless Horseman that wants to break into our house and chop off my head because somewhere down the line I was an ancient relative of someone who wronged him.

2. I do not have anyone here to go investigate that noise that I heard, and that I am sure are zombies that are here to eat my face off, or the headless horseman who wants to chop off my head.

3. I work from home, and therefore, my coworkers are my children.  And when the littles that I babysit get picked up in the evening, I am stuck at home with my coworkers, and that is all.  There is no one but a toddler, two preschoolers, and a moody preteen to keep me company.  So there is no one here for me to difuse any tense tantrum situations by listening to my humor it.  So instead of seeming funny and witty by being sarcastic to mini me, I seem douchey because no one is around who actually gets the sarcasm.

4. Right now all of my littles are sick, and Your Royal Highness told me this morning that he had a sore throat.  So last night when Thumbellina puked in her bed at 2am because she coughed too hard, it is me and only me who got to deal with the laundry, the cleaning of the carpet, the bathing of the Thumbellina, and the redressing of the bed and Thumbellina.  It is also me and only me who gets to talk me down from the ledge when I am sure that she has some weird baby disease that there is no cure for, instead of it being just a really bad sinus infection. (Seriously, someone needs to be here to keep me off of WebMD.  I have a problem people, I need help).

5. There is no accountability at all for me to get out of my pajamas during the day.  At all.  The moms that I work for empathize completely with my plight, and in fact, the one I have babysat for the longest, and is a really good friend of mine, is way too encouraging about this. "What is the point?  Just stay in your pajamas!  I would if I were you.  I would never ever get dressed.  On the weekends, I don't!" Thanks she-who-will-not-be-named-but-rhymes-with-the-word-Fephanie!

6. Also there is no accountability for doing the dishes.  (see #4 of Pros for my solution to this dilemma)

Pros

1. I have a much larger appreciation for single mothers.  (seriously, you guys are amazing!)

2. I get to watch the Cooking channel, Food Network and HGTV as much and for as long as I want to.  As well as any Project Runway marathons, and multiple episodes of Glee, to which I can sing along as much as I want and not get the glare.

3. I can eat from the Frozen Yogurt carton with a spoon and not feel shame.  I literally drizzle on the chocolate syrup right into the container and eat what I feel is about a cups worth.  Then put the lid on and put it back in for tomorrow. (Do not judge me weight watchers people, one cup is only 4 points, I freakin count it!  Don't worry!)

4. The kids all think I am awesome because I let them stay up a little later, eat cinnamon rolls for breakfast, eat off of paper plates, watch more TV, and play on the computer longer.  Most of this is really just for my survival.

5. I can Pinterest and watch TV at the same time without the snarky comment "Well, I am so happy we are spending time together this evening." ( Really?  We are sitting in front of the boob tube, zoning out to crap TV.  How is this quality time?  We are barely speaking.  We can do that while I am looking at awesome things and crafts I will never do or own.)

6. Epic long conversations with friends on the phone.  I mean epic.  My ear is sweaty from the amount of time on the phone.  sigh....reminds me of my high school days.  Plug the phone in the wall, and lay me on the floor with my feet up on a chair while I chew gum and twist my hair with my fingers and I am back there baby.


All in all, I can totally manage four kids, a dog, and the house while he is away, because I am awesome like that.  But am really really glad it is not that often that I have to do it, because I really don't know that I am quite THAT awesome.

Airing out the Laundry

So today is laundry day. 

I don't really have a schedule, I just do it when someone says "I am out of socks."  Usually that is about every week and a half. 

When I was a kid, my mom did laundry on a serious schedule.  It was every Tuesday and Thursday, and you would bring your laundry basket down, or suffer the consequences.  But oh.  Oh.  OH.  I miss those days.  So much.  I would go to school, and when I came home,  there, in my basket, would be a pile of folded sweet smelling clothes ready to take up and put away.  Also, there would be a few hangers with my clean stuff on it ready to be hung up.  It never smelled like mildew.  It never was wrinkled.  It was always done that day. 

My mom had a washer that was portable.  Our house was like 100 years old, so we didn't have a 'laundry room,' 'dishwasher', 'mudroom', or any of the fancy stuff I have now.  My mom would pull out the washer, which was kept in the kitchen, after she took off the stuff that we would keep on top of it, and wheel it over to the sink.  There was a contraption that you pushed up onto the faucet and it clicked on, and then you would turn on both the hot and cold water dials (we did NOT have the one handle, we had two,) then plug it in the wall.  It was small, so you would have to do like 80 loads before you were done.  We did have a permanent dryer in the back room (which apparently used to be an all seasons kind of room, but they boarded over the windows and used it as the dryer/freezer/office room), so she would then cart each load out there, to dry it.  It is always  one of two temperatures in the room the dryer is kept.  Boiling hot in the summer, and Freezing cold in the winter.  In the winter for holidays we don't even have to use the extra fridge my mom keeps upstairs, it is so cold in there.  We just set it out there and close the door.  (That room is also a sweet haven in the winter time. My parents keep their house at like 90 degrees.  Mom swears 'the thermostat is set at 70', but mom, it is not really 70 when you put the humidifier under it, and it is blowing cold humid air on it day and night.  Can't really get an accurate read.)  So when it is hells kitchen hot in there, the dryer room feels amazing.

Even when I would come home from college, mom would do my laundry.  It was so nice.  I would dump it out of my bag, and she would have it done, and I would put it back in my bag.  Yay!  Clean clothes! It was so nice. 

Now I am the mom.  I am the one doing everyone's laundry.  I am the first to admit, I am no where near as good as my mom.  I am lucky if I get the laundry out of the washer and into the dryer the same day.  I use fabric softener, if I remember.  If not, oops.  Too bad.  I mostly fold it all.  I mostly get all of the socks together.  I have a giant bag in my room full of single socks.  This gets bigger every time I do laundry.  Once in a blue moon I will get a wild hair and go through the bag looking for matches (mostly this happens when the Admiral says 'I don't have any clean socks' and I am trying to delay the inevitable laundry that I will have to do.)  Most of the laundry that I get done that does get folded, sits in the basket until it is worn again.  I don't know why I bothered to get the kids dressers, I should have just gotten them a bunch of laundry baskets and hung them on the wall.  (Hmmm, note to self, this is a waaaay better idea than dressers, and less work for me.....must implament this ASAP.)

I do not get to walk in and have my laundry magically done anymore.  I do not get to have clean sheets magically appear on my bed anymore.  I do not get to have warm-fresh-out-of-the-dryer clothes dumped on me when I am laying on the couch anymore (oh, that used to feel so good!  I miss that mom!).  I am the one in charge.  I fear when my kids get older, they are not going to have fond memories of mom doing all of their laundry while they are at school.  They are going to have memories of yelling to me from upstairs, as they are running late for school "Mom!  This shirt smells like mildew, and I am still out of socks!  Can you please do laundry??"  or "Mom, is the dryer empty?  These shirt and pants are all wrinkled from being in the basket too long!"  to which I will reply "No, you will have to empty it first!  There are clothes in there that I did three days ago!"

Ode to Coffee

I would like to take a moment just to sing a little song of praise to my hero, my motivator, my one true love, the one I cannot be without............coffee.

Oh coffee, how do I love thee?

I love the fact that coffee smells like morning.  It is pungent, and strong, and bold, everything that I am not in the morning.  I wake up looking like a mixture Keith Richards and Lindsey Lohan on a bender.  My hair is a mess, my eyeliner is usually racooned under my eyes, (yes, I know you aren't supposed to go to bed with makeup on, but you know what, I am lucky if I brush my teeth before passing out at night.  I am so tired, that most of the time I don't even make the transition from yoga pants to pajamas!)  my mouth feels like I swallowed a mouthful of sand and poop, and every move I make sounds like I am popping popcorn in my body.  I walk downstairs, and pull out the bag of coffee grounds, and just the smell of it makes me a better person.  The aroma actually wipes the sleep out of my eyes for me.  I pour the powdered gold, into the coffee filter, and I swear, angels float around me singing "Zippidy do dah! Zippidy aye! My oh my what a wonderful day.."  and little birds and rabbits come around my feet dancing a long.  It is magical. 

Then there is a wait.  The awful wait between pushing the button, and beautiful wonderfullness in my cup.  What to do during this time?  Still too sleepy to check email.  Still too tired to watch the news (plus what a crappy habit is this to do?  Good morning!  Let me tell you about all of the bad crap that happened while you were asleep!  Because nothing says make today great like hearing about all of the evil in the world!  But no, it is either that or flip right to Nick Jr, and then feel like stabbing out my eyes and ears that much earlier in the day.  So news it is.)  I usually just sit and stare out the window waiting for it to magically turn from black dirt into my magic elixer.  I often wonder how much time I spend staring out the window if I added it all up.  I mean, I feel like I stare out of the window alot.  And what is that about?  What does my brain do while I am just staring?  Is it rebooting?  Is it decompressing?  I stare out the window when I am with my kids in the basement for an alarming amount of time.  But that is another post.

Then it is time.  I pour my flavored creamer into the cup first, because making sure it is mixed thourghouly is important to me.  Flavored creamer is a big deal in our house.  If we have coffee and no flavored creamer, the Admiral will go out, and get creamer (or Starbucks depending on how he is feeling), because this is an Defcon 5 situation.  You know it is important if you are going to actually
use heavy machinery before you drink the liquid sunshine. 

So creamer is in the cup, the beautiful steamy liquid is poured on top of it, and EVERY STINKING TIME I take a sip right away and burn the crap out of my tongue.  It is like I just cannot learn.  I have no willpower for delay of gratification  in my body, I have to get the coffee in there as soon as possible, and if bodily harm is involved, so be it.  I know that I have scar tissue all over my tongue from this, because it hurts much less now than it did years ago.  I can also eat much spicier food that I did years ago, and this I attribute to the heavy hot coffee drinking.  My mom can literally pour it right from the pot into her mouth, and is unphased completely.  I guess since she is 80, her tongue is just one giant callouse. 

What else do I love about coffee, besides the fact that it saves my life, and the lives of all I live with,
by me consuming it?  The variety!  Right now is pumpkin latte season.  I know some people are not fans, but holy cow am I a lover of Pumpkin Latte.  Caribou coffee used to have the best one, but then some evil demon of a person bought them and then SHUT THEM DOWN!!!  If I ever meet this person, I am filling up a sock with butter and smacking him with it. (Pause for a moment to simmer down my anger a bit......  Ok.  I am good now.)  Then at christmas there is peppermint mocha, and in the winter there is salty caramel mocha!  In the hot summer, there are iced coffees, and frappes!  AND ICE CREAMS!!!  Mocha java chip....you are a genious Graeters!  Best ice cream flavor ever!

So that is my little ditty about how great coffee is.  I need to go.  The babies are all asleep, and the Admiral is home today watching TV and chilling, so I am going to run out to Starbucks!  Later yall!

Ten things you really need to know about me

So I have been posting for about two months now, and  I realize that though most of my audience is my friends and family, there is actually a portion of my audience to whom I am a complete stranger!  (Quick shoutout to the 50 people that are following my page in Indonesia!  Thanks for reading!)  So I thought I would give you all the 10 most essential things you need to know about me. 

#1. I am a huge nerd.  
I am really a big dork.  I own this.  I flaunt this.  And I have no apologies for my love of all things Harry Potter, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, the new Star Trek movies, any movie that the Sci-Fi network puts out (I do NOT love them for content, merely for the comical aspect of it.  I mean come on, Dino Croc will be a cult classic very soon.  It is a Dinosaur and a Crocodile hybrid!  WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE?!?!)  and my goal is to one day make it to Comicon.  I have a whole board on Pinterest dedicated to this, where I pin all kinds of things dedicated to my love for all things nerdy.  I have not had a chance to watch Dr. Who, but not because I don't want to, I just seriously do not have time.  My fantasy is for The Admiral to walk in one day dressed as Harry Potter, to which I will be his Ginny.  I want a wand, because I am convinced I am magical, and I will be able to make this work. Hogwarts did not contact me because I am in America, and I did not see any Americans in the movie, so they must not get invited. They probably don't take FAFSA anway.  I would have made a wonderful addition to the Fellowship of the Ring, and I am convinced Frodo would have made it there sooner had I been on the committee. 

#2.  I really do love my kids
I know I complain and rant a lot about my children.  I may lament over mistakes that I make with them, and I seethe with frustration sometimes, but I am completely head over heels in love with my kids.  I do little things for them, because of the love i have for them, and when they don't appreciate it, I rant.  They are ungrateful, and test boundaries, but that is part of the job we sign up for.  It does not mean we have to love and cherish every single moment I we are with them.  Sorry if I don't weep at the memory of Mini Me smearing poo on her wall as a toddler, or Little Man throwing himself down in the middle of a parking lot at Giant Eagle because he didn't want to go in. 

#3  I used to have a life outside of the house

I really really did used to have a life.  I was a preschool teacher (so sometimes I really do know what I am doing, though I may not look like it.)  and I used to work with other adults, and have adult conversations and lunch breaks, and go out for happy hours, and all of that fun crap.  I had a brain.  But staying home day after day, month after month, year after year, with little else on during the day except mind-numbing Nick Jr. shows, singing songs about feelings, and washing hands, and brushing teeth, I think my brain has melted away a little bit.  Atrophy from lack of real use.  So when all I am doing is numbers 1-10 for the last 12 years and "what sound does B make", and my son brings me home his 5th grade math homework, or a friend starts talking about their job, my eyes kind of glaze over because that part of my brain has not been tapped into for a really long time and the synapses are like a rusty rail-road tie.  Hard moving the train forward, due to lack of use.

#4 I have a rather large family
I am the youngest of 7.  I have three brothers and 3 sisters.  Holidays are fun and loud and awesome.  We all get along.  I know some of you, well, most of the people I have talked to are either not close to their family, or don't get along, and stress out about things like Thanksgiving.  I have to say, I can relate to a lot of stuff, but not this one.  So you will not hear me rant about my siblings or parents.  They rock.

#5 I am a horrible housekeeper.  

I complain a lot about my house and how dirty it is, but really, I am just as big a culprit as the kids.  I tend to leave plates and cups out, throw dirty clothes on the floor, and when I do clean, I miss a lot of stuff.  The Admiral was in the Navy, and so it kinda drives him crazy.   When we do argue, this is a big one.  He just doesn't see how I can forget about a load of laundry that has been in there, and has been rewashed 3 times.  I will say, he does a lot around the house.  He does all of the yard work, fixes anything that breaks, takes out all the trash, and is the chief vaccumer of the house.  When I say vacuum, I mean this man vacuums stuff that I didn't even know you needed to do.,  Like light fixtures.  And air vents, and baseboards. Did you know that those tools on the back of the vacuum actually do stuff??  ME EITHER!!  I hate housework with a passion.

#6  I sing.  All. The. Time.
I sing a lot.  When I am in the car I sing.  When people catch me singing, and smirk, I stare into their eyes and sing like I am singing to them, (which catches them off guard and is really funny how they go from thinking I will be embarassed to BEING embarrassed.) I sing when I am frustrated. For example, singing "You better clean this room up or I'll ground your butt, right now" sung to 'A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.'.  My kids love this.....(pause for hysterical evil laughing)

#7 Not the wino I seem to be.
I talk about loving wine, but I rarely have the opportunity to actually drink it.  My kids are early risers, and are up at the buttcrack of stupid.  Usually like 6am.  So if I drank wine as often as I wish, I would wake up to a house in chaos, because when I drink even one, I sleep like the dead.  And these people can not be trusted to get up and be to their own vices with me asleep.  They just cannot.  I shudder to think what I would find. 

#8 I am a points counter
I am doing weight watchers and have been for about a year now.  I look at food, and the first thing I think is 'how many points is that??'  I have never done so much mental math in my life. 

#9  I love to shop, for other people.
I love to go shopping.  I will drop a wad of cash on a gift for someone else, but when it is for me, I plead poverty.  I will walk around in a grubby T shirt, and holey socks for weeks, because I don't want to spend the money on buying new ones, but will not even blink at dropping $80 for a gift for my mom or dad.  I will happily buy my children new clothes or books, but am reluctant to spend $10 on a pack of hanes her way socks.  Makes no freakin sense at all.  The Admiral shakes his head at me on this one.

#10  I am horrible with directions.  Horr. I. ble....
I have a negative sense of direction.  I can get lost driving out of my own subdivision.  I get turned around in the grocery store.  I lose my car if it is the only one in the lot.  Do not give me verbal directions, I need a written out plan, with landmarks and a map.  And do not ask me to give you directions, because I WILL get you lost.  I will.  It is unfailing.  Lost on the island with the smoke monster lost. 

So now I think we know each other a little better.  Hopefully you will still keep on reading.  And if not, may the force be with you, live long and prosper!