Kids say the foulest things! (Warning, this is rated PG13)

So I have been hemming and hawing awhile about this post.  I have been thinking about my demographic and my readers,( and more importantly the fact that my mother reads this blog) and wasn't sure if it was going to be received well. (Read that as, not sure if my mom was going to slap me for swearing or not).  But after much deliberation, and after the reaction that I got from my mom last night from the story i told her, I think it is safe to share these little nuggets.  Or should I say gems, because honestly, to me, these stories are pure GOLD!

The Admiral and I try really really hard to watch our mouths around the kids.  I do not want to raise a bunch of little d-bags that go around swearing all of the time.  I want them to be word warriors!  I want them to use their brains to come up with words to describe or react to situations, instead of resorting to crass words that any idiot can say.  However, even this idiot drops certain words here and there, and although satisfying at the time, it often comes back to haunt me.  Or sometimes even mis-judging the show we are watching as possibly appropriate, only to have them drop a word bomb on us at just the moment the little sponges are watching. (thanks Tv for yet again contributing to the education of my children.)

So I give you, Kids say the foulest things.

#1.
The Admiral and I are watching a rock concert on TV with our oldest son who was our only child at the time, at the tender age of 2.  As we are watching the Foo Fighters fighting their foo on TV, David Grohl stops and shouts at the top of his lungs:
"Give it up for the best F___in drummer in the world!!" 
My husband and I freeze and stare at each other for a moment.  Our son says, without  missing a beat, "Your not the best F____in drummer, my dad is the best F____in drummer in the world."
  Oh. My.

#2
My darling Mini me has always done everything early.  She rolled over at 6 weeks, she crawled at 6 months, and she started talking at about 10 months.  Her first words?
"Dod dan dog.  Dod dan dog."
Translation "God Damn Dog".
Oh yes.  Proud moment

#3
I hear my little Thumbelina talking to herself.  I don't even pay attention to her all that much when she is playing, because she talks all. the. time.  I mean we are talking a constant commentary about what she is doing. But on this particular occasion, I hear her saying the same thing over and over.  I look and she is trying to put a block in the shape sorter.  As she is doing it, it keeps falling out of her hand.  Every time it does, she says the same thing over and over.  "Shit....shit....shit...."
 Sigh.....

#4
I actually got this story from my sister who was watching the kids for us one weekend recently.  Our dog, the dog of thunder, tends to howl a lot.  I don't know if it is because he is blind, and doesn't see us, or deaf and doesn't hear us, and forgets we are there, but he howls like we are gone forever.  It is really annoying, because it is obnoxiously loud, and if he does it while the babies are asleep, it wakes them all up.  Well, we were gone, and she was there with the kids at the table, and the dog started howling.  Mini me says, apparently under her breath to no one in particular, "That God damn dog won't quit howling, it is driving me nuts."
(anyone noticing a trend here?)

#5
Little Man was trying to put a puzzle together the other day.  It was a floor puzzle, and so he was all over the floor trying to put it together.  He had one piece left, and accidentally stepped right in the middle of it, causing it to all fall apart.  He then says in the most exasperated voice, "Aw Dammit!!!"

and finally, my favorite!  Seriously, my most favorite of all time....

 #6
Little man has a lot of trouble saying his "S-T" sounds.  So instead of stamp he will say "damp"  or stairs he will say "dairs"  We ordered pizza the other day.  The Admiral got wings, breadsticks and pizza.  I was putting breadsticks on the kids plates when little man started shrieking "I wanna dick, I wanna dick, I wanna dick, I wanna dick!!!!!!"  I was cracking up, and trying to tear them into little pieces for him, when it got worse.  He started yelling "I don't want a little dick, I wanna big dick, I wanna big dick mommy, I wanna big dick!!  I don't want a little dick I wanna big dick!!!"  the admiral and I were laughing so hard we couldn't even answer the child, so it just kept going on and on and on, making us laugh even harder!!  (I am laughing really hard as I type this!!  I wanted to say to him I know little man, all men do!)

I really am not mature enough to be a mother.......