And that is why we don't open the windows

If I were one of my neighbors, and I was walking by my house, and I heard some of the things that I am sure they hear coming from my windows, I would have to call Child Protective Services.

I read a recent blog from a very talented writer and mom, Jen Hatmaker, who said, "some families are sweet, and some families are spicy.  We are a spicy family."  I think that is very tactful.  I would, however,  want to add another type of family to that.  Screamy.  We are a screamy, loud family. The thing of it is, not all of the screaming is bad.  In fact, it can be downright sweet.  Mini-me was screaming out of the window the other day to her brother, "I LOVE YOU!!!!  I WILL MISS YOU WHILE YOU ARE AT SCHOOL!!!!  WAVE TO MEEEE!!!!  I AM WAVING AT YOU, WAVE TO MEEEEE!!!!!!"  as he climbed aboard the bus, ducking his head, pretending not to know who these crazy people are.

I didn't realize until today how bad we must sound from outside.  We have our windows wide open, because it is amazingly awesome outside.  Cool enough to be cool, but warm enough to still be in a t-shirt.  I was changing the diaper on one of my toddlers I babysit, when I heard Mini-me and Little Man go upstairs.  Well, they are not supposed to go upstairs without me, because the first place they go is your royal highness's room, and wreck the millions of dollars worth of Legos that he has squirreled away up there.  So I screamed "GET DOWN HERE", because I physically could not get up to get them without getting poop everywhere, and letting a toddler go sans clothing.  They didn't listen.  So I yelled again, "YOU GUYS!  GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW! I AM GOING TO COUNT TO THREE, AND THEN YOU ARE GOING IN TIME-OUT!  ONE.......TWO......." and I pause dramatically to give their little brains a moment to process that, hey, mom means business and I better get going.  Also to give me one more second to get some pants on this kid.  "THREE!!!!  THAT'S IT!  TIME OUT!!!!!"  I have to run up 5, YES 5, flights of stairs (our new house has tons of room, but holy crap, the stairs are killing me.), to snatch these varmints and bring them down to the playroom for time out.  Oh, and the yelling does not stop there, because they are screaming like I am murdering them when I put them in the time-out spot.  Nothing coherent, just massive wailing. 

Then I have your royal highness yelling for me "MOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! WHERE IS MY BACKPACK!  I HAVE TO GO LIKE NOW!!!!!"  So I yell back, over the wailing "IT IS IN THE OFFICE!!!  DON"T FORGET YOUR LUNCH!"  I cannot go up and talk to this child, because I am dealing with an F5 meltdown here in the playroom.  So yelling is what I have.  Then the time-out is over, and the wailing subsides, until one of my toddlers I watch snatches a toy from Thumbelina, and she, instead of letting go, and telling me that the toddler took her toy, holds on to it, as she is being dragged across the floor screaming, "NOOOOOO!!!!  I HAD IT!!!!!  AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  MINE!!!!!!!!"  So I go over, and get the toy back for her, and tell her to stop screaming and just ask for help.  "Mommy, I needed help."  So I say, "No, you have to ask when you need the help, not after."  And two seconds later Little Man and Mini-me are doing the same thing wrestling each other, BOTH of then screaming at the top of their lungs over a toy, which I may add, WE HAVE TWO OF! "NOOOOOO!!! MINE!!!!!"  "NOOOO!!  I HAD IT FIRST!!!!!!"  So I break it up, and in frustration yell, "IF YOU SCREAM AGAIN,  YOU ARE GOING IN TO TIME-OUT!!  NO MORE SCREAMING!!"  I pray that it is true, because I would love to put myself in time-out right now.  How would that work?  "Sorry kids, I can't be bothered right now, I am in time out.  Go away, and leave me be for 37 minutes."  I like that idea!  But I digress....

I didn't really think about it, until I noticed the open windows. 

Oh. My. God.

 People outside, (and there are a lot of people outside waiting with their kids at the bus stop.  30 kids, most of them have parents that are out there watching them go on the bus...oh man.)  what are they hearing of this?  I mean, my voice can carry.  I was field commander in high school, a vocal major in college, so I know I can project my voice.  I am sure they are thinking we are a bunch of hill-jacks!  I want to run out there and yell, "I PROMISE!  WE ARE A LOVING NORMAL FAMILY!  WE ARE NICE PEOPLE!  IT IS OK TO GET TO KNOW US! I SWEAR!"  Then they would all look at each other and say, "I think that is just how she talks!  Look, she is yelling again!"  They would avoid my eyes and walk away.  So that would not help.

So I guess what I need, dear hearts, is a little advice.  How do you have 5 levels, 5 toddlers, a 10 year old,  maintain open windows, and NOT sounds like you are completely nuts?  Any advice???