Cost-freakin-co

So tonight I have to go to Satan's playground.  Costco. 

Now don't get me wrong, the benefits far outweigh the problems, but I just HATE going.  You have no idea how much I loathe this trip.  If I could do it alone, that would be great.  But I can't.  I have to take all of God's children, plus the Admiral.  Why you may ask?  I will tell you.  Because I am short and have no muscles to speak of.  Plus we get two carts full of crap, and I just cannot pull two whole carts of crap by myself.  It is heavy crap, and I need the Admiral.  Sometimes if he is working, I will have to make the trip with the littles and your royal highness, but this is equally not fun, because he does nothing but complain about how long it is taking and how heavy the cart is.  I try to pacify him with samples, but with Little Man having umpteen thousand allergies to food,  he can't have most of them, and so he throws a fit because who in their right mind would rather have a box of raisins from the diaper bag over a cookie from a nice lady in a white hat and plastic gloves? 

Number two reason I hate Costco, lolly-gaggers, rubberneckers, browsers and isle-cloggers. I get it people, there is a lot to see and it can be hard to choose.  But just as in golf, rate of play baby!!!  Let faster shoppers go around you!  Be aware of people like me, who are pulling a cargo train of carts behind them with my whole family, most of whom want to go home ASAP.  I know what I need, I know where to find it, and I need to get OUT of there.  I do not want to be held up because an isle -clogger is looking at what package of giant syrup she wants.  My twins are beating each other with bread, my little man is eating peaches out of the cart and dripping juice down his chin, and your royal highness is groaning and trying to jump on the cart and add to the already hundreds of pounds I am pushing around every square inch of that place because "his feet hurt so bad".  This is the same kid who was running around minutes ago. 

Number three reason I hate Costco, the layout.  WTH Costco?  Why would you scatter the food all over the store mixed in with other things that I don't need?  I know you think you are marketing, but you aren't.  Who do you think you are, Target??  You are not sir, you are not.  Don't even try.  And quite putting the toys so close to the freaking granola bars!  I already have to fight your royal highness about videos and video games we pass right when we walk in, not to mention the drooling of the admiral over the large TV's that are at the enterance.  But really, Toys?  And what moron thought it was a good idea to put the diapers WAAAAAAY the heck back in the back of the store at the far left corner, where there is a giant bottleneck?  Do you realize that those are the reason MOST people go to Costco in the first place? Cheaper diapers?  So yes, let's make tired, sleep deprived mothers walk the farthest for the things they need, and just to make sure they don't miss a square inch, let's put the formula way the hell in the front.  

Mostly, I hate Costco, because everything I have to pack in my car is loose, and that is so freakng annoying to have to make 25,000 trips back and forth from the car with heavy boxes and bags.  Thank you, for making what was already an exhausting trip, into a more exhausting one. I don't need to exersice at all this week because I just burned 3000 calories on the GROCERY. Not to mention that I have to go over TWO sets of railroad tracks, so all of that loose stuff is bounced around, so SOMETHING is going to break loose (talking about you blueberries!)  And the other thing is, shopping at that store, size is relative to where you are.  So because everything is big, nothing looks big.  When I am at the store, a big bag of limes looks reasonable.  However when I get it home, I think to myself, "What the heck am I supposed to do with all of these limes??"  So often, I over purchase, or make pie.  Neither is really a good thing.

But like I said, the benefits outweigh the problems.  It is much cheaper to buy the bulk of my groceries  there, than to buy everything at the regular supermarket.  So until I can get a giant box of wipes at Kroger for $19, Costco it is.  But I don't have to like it.