As he grew older, we noticed a pattern with the refulx. If he was going through a growth spurt, it was way worse than any other time. In fact, by the time he was 2, the only times he would vomit would be during a growth spurt, or if he was a little too active after a meal. The other nice this is that by the time he was two, he could already identify when it was coming, and would yell "Gonna frow up!" and run to the bathroom, 9 times out of 10 making it into the toilet (VICTORY!!).
When Your royal highness was about 3, my husband, the Admiral (as I have said before, he really wants to have a wistle like the Von Trapp family), was getting relocated to Louisville Kentucky. I was a teacher, and needed to finish the school year, and we had a house to sell as well. So until we could sell our house, he would commute to Louisville Sunday night, stay in a hotel for the week (thank you Staybridge, we love you so), and then come home on Friday night. Every other week, he would stay down there, and we would go down and stay with him at the free hotel, eat food the company paid for, and see the sights of Louisville. We actually really loved this time, and even though I don't miss him being gone all the time, I really loved hanging out in Louisville. Kinda like a mini vacation every other week. (No housework, no cooking!)
So one weekend when we were down there, we weren't able to stay in our usual Staybridge (curse you Thunder over Louisville for all of the tourists!) so not only did i NOT get my biscuits and gravy, we had to stay at a Holiday Inn Express. Where there is no separate living area, no bedroom with closing door for Admiral and I (so no nookie after your royal highness went to sleep), or movies rated anything but PG as YRH was 3 feet away! We decided on this particular weekend to visit the Hard Rock Cafe. I know, I know, overpriced hamburgers and milkshakes. But it was something to do. So we let YRH get the works, cheeseburger, fries, and a milkshake. He loved it! We had a great meal, everyone was happy, we walked around and looked at all of the drums, (The Admiral is a drummer), and it was a lot of fun! After dinner we browsed Barns and Noble, bought a couple of new books for YRH and I, and went back to the hotel. After an hour of bugging us, we agreed to take YRH to swim in the pool.
It was great, we had the entire place to ourselves. The Admiral watched from the side, he was on call so in case he got a call, he wouldn't have to shower before he went. So he would throw YRH in, and I would catch him. After a bit, I took YRH to the middle of the pool, and was holding him while he floated a bit.
All of a sudden, he coughed.
Now there are a couple of different kinds of coughs that he does. There is the "got something in my throat" cough, the "got a cold" cough, and then the dreaded "Schmidt is about to get real messy real fast" cough. It was the dreaded cough. Schmidt was about to get real messy.
Three feet...
Two feet.....
BLECH................ Barely used cheeseburger with extra ketchup and pickles, french fries, and chocolate milkshake poured out of this child, at a rate I didn't know possible, right into the pool in front of me. I froze, and watched in horror as it fanned out around me like an oil slick, getting wider and wider. I felt him start to heave again and literally threw him up to the Admiral, who caught him, and aimed him at the floor away from the pool.
But it was too late. Chunks of cheeseburger bobbed merrily around, apparently happy to be free from digestive juices. I jumped out of the pool, and grabbed a towel, wiping myself down. I grabbed more towels and wiped up the floor and quickly threw them into the used towel bin. We stared helplessly out at the pool. It had completely spread the entire length of the pool.
"We have to tell the desk." I told the Admiral. He looked at me like 'Tag, you're it." And picked up the boy, wrapping him in a clean towel. I slide on my flip flops and start for the door when I see them. Two women, about 40 something, in bathing suits, coming our way. My stomach dropped. "OH GOD NO!" I said. I ran to the door, knowing full well my face was beat red. I smiled nonchalantly, "Um, you ladies weren't going in the pool were you?"
In a thick accent "No, we were going in the hot tub. Why?"
"Umm, my son just knda, sorta, puked in the pool." They looked at me with a combination of pity, and 'ew gross'. I pass them and take off for the desk.
The girl working the desk was I think about 16 years old. Not even kidding. I think this was her part time job, and she was just looking to make car payments so she could cart her friends around after school. So I said, "Hey there, my son just puked in the pool. Not sure what you guys do about that." She looked horror stricken. She turned her head side to side, i feel like she was looking for an exit. She said, again, think accent, "Oh, well, my managers not here right now." Poor poor little thing. This was an emergancy I don't think she was prepared to ever have to take care of.
"You may want to come with me, you are probably going to have to close the pool honey."
Very unsure "Okaaaaaay." and she followed me all the way to the pool.
The look of utter bewilderment, confusion, and frankly gross-ed out-ness was extremely plain on her face. I couldn't take the embarrasement any more. I waved Admiral to come over to me with YRH, and turned to her, "Sorry. Just so completely sorry." And we walked as fast as humanly possible out of that pool area, and practically ran for the elevator. Once in the elevator, we were dead silent. YRH was almost asleep on Admiral's shoulder, and I was shivering from the cold, and complete and utter mortification that I felt. Admiral looked over at me as we neared our floor.
"You know, we can never stay at this hotel again right?""Yep."
Then next day when we came down to check out, we saw a sign on the door of the pool area,
"Pool Closed"
And the pool was completely empty.
Because of us, they drained the pool.
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